Its all about the Connection...

Sometime in my early 30's, I realized that I didn't need a man to be happy.

Yeah, it took me awhile to come to that foregone conclusion but I eventually got there. When I realized that my fulfillment comes from having emotional connections, it was clear that such connections did not have to come exclusively from a romantic relationship. In fact, even when I was in an emotionally intimate romantic relationship, many of my emotional needs were still met by my friends.

The first decade of my life I struggled with developing meaningful friendships with girlfriends. The previous decade, I spent a lot of time correcting that. Now, I'm at another crossroads.

The older I get, the more I yearn for deep, real connections. And inadvertently it takes time to develop those. Quality and quantity. Now I'm seeing that even once you establish those deep connections, it takes time and patience to maintain that level of intimacy. And I struggle with finding the time, as well as finding others that have that time as well.

As a result, I have a pretty wide circle of "acquaintances"- people that I've bonded with and could potentially be very close to, if time warranted. The number of people that I have a long-term deep friendship with has narrowed to a very few. As a single person without family close by, this is an issue. It's an issue because in order to have my emotional needs met, I need a connection with someone who is available. And since we get busier as we get older, it stands to reason that one would need a larger number of close connections in order to ensure that someone is available when you need them.

OK, as I read over this post it sounds extremely self-centered and self-serving. But hey, this is a blog, so it should not be a surprise, yes? The reality of it all is that not only do I need intimate friendships in order to get my emotional needs met, but I need to feel like I am helping someone meet their needs as well. It all goes together.

And if on some random Sunday afternoon when I'm craving for a connection, and if I only have two close friends and they are both "booked", what's a girl to do?

I've actually given thought to ways where I can implement some kind of "structure" to my Connection Maintenance (lol) .

A spreadsheet?

A phone call schedule?

Personalized email blasts?

Do I need to schedule further out in advance in order to spend quality time with loved ones?

Crazy, I know.