Thursday, October 30, 2008

Happy Halloween!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Bar Stool Economics

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100 .

If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:


The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3.
The seventh would pay $7.
The eighth would pay $12.
The ninth would pay $18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.
So, that's what they decided to do.


The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve.
'Since you are all such good customers, he said, I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20. Drinks for the ten now cost just $80

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes, so the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free.
But what about the other six men - the paying customers?
How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his 'fair share?'


They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33.
But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer.

So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.

And so:

The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings)
The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings).
The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28%savings).
The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).
The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).
The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).

Each of the six was better off than before.
And the first four continued to drink for free.

But once outside the restaurant the men began to compare their savings. I only got a dollar out of the $20,'declared the sixth man.
He pointed to the tenth man,' but he got $10!' 'Yeah, that's right,' exclaimed the fifth man. I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got ten times more than I!' That's true!!' shouted the seventh man.
'Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!' 'Wait a minute,' yelled the first four men in unison. 'We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!'

The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!

And that, boys and girls, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore.

In fact, they might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.

~ Anonymous

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Friend Rant # 2

-I know you. You’re one of those girls who likes to pretend she’s good but is wild underneath.

-No.

-Yeah. Yeah you are. You’re a bad girl who just doesn’t want other people to know it. I like that.

-No.

-No.

-Awww. Come on.

-No.

-No?

-No.

-I see, you’re one of those who likes to play coy.

-No, dude. I could not be less coy.

(sometimes you wish that they would just go away)


Sunday, October 19, 2008

Being..

Being in love is not entirely unlike being hit round the head with a spade repeatedly until you can't think straight.

Being broken hearted is not entirely unlike hitting yourself round the head with a spade repeatedly for fear if you don't, you might think straight.

Reading blogs by people who are in love or broken hearted is liable to make you want to repeatedly hit people with spades.

The word repeatedly is horrible.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Cleaning out the wallet.

For the sake of efficiency I’ve removed all the fortunes, tiny scraps of artwork, receipts for indecent things, currency from other countries, useless business cards, pretty leaves, and notes to myself to help me remember all the important things I no longer remember. And now, my wallet is tiny.

Somehow, I feel less interesting.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Overheard on the radio this morning.

"Friendship is like money; easy to make, hard to keep."

I am Okay ( an epiphany of sorts )

It’s a fact that people will surprise you in the most delicious way when you least expect it.

Last week, for instance, two coworkers accused me of being articulate, which was absolutely lovely, and of being smart, which was flattering, and then one of them went on to say that I have my act together. I was surprised to realize that all of a sudden, I actually do.

I may be overqualified for my current job, and I may be living from paycheck to paycheck, I may not appear to have the best life from the outside, but really, when it comes down to it? I love my life the way it is.

I love that I have a job that enables me to cover most of my expenses.

I love that I have friends that love me beyond reasons.

I love that I still feel as though life is full of countless possibilities and that I can recreate myself.

I love knowing that by this time next year, I may be in a completely new place in my life, and that I may be writing myself a completely different kind of letter by my next birthday.

The very fact that life is full of hardships and situations designed to make you work through them is what makes you. Not only does it make your life interesting, but it helps you realize what sort of character you have. It adds layers to the puzzle that is you. It shows you what you’re capable of. And hardships are unavoidable in life.

I guess I’m finally okay with that. And I’m finally okay again.

I’m finally me again.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Ninja Cat

This could be my cat, with his creeping stealth ways and huge alien eyes.


Saturday, October 11, 2008

Close that door.

I have been thinking a lot about endings in the last couple of weeks. About how somehow endings become the ‘everything’. As if the ending defines the ‘whole’. As if the ‘whole’ cannot exist independent of the ‘end’. I have been thinking a lot about break-ups. Not that I have had my heart broken recently by a boy. But I have had my heart broken by an ending.

Endings are messy business. The kind of messy that requires a detailed POA to clean up. Me, I like to start with the messiest part of the mess. Then slowly, slowly I move to a slightly less messy part. Before I know it, my shoes are alphabetized by brand and my bra’s are sitting in perfect hue order.

But, that’s my room. An area with four walls and a door. A door that at a moment’s notice can be closed and no one will ever know what is happening behind it. If only, I were a room. If only, I could put all my feelings into the bottom drawer of my cupboard and never have to deal with them. Fortunately or unfortunately, I wasn’t built that way. A room, I am not.

We do share similiar qualities though. Like a room I have a kind of door. Granted, it is more similiar to the door of the VIP section of a hot club than a bedroom door, but a door nonetheless. It is heavily guarded and only very important people are allowed to enter. Like a room, I store wonderful surprises. Sometimes, those surprises can be there’s-leak-in-the-ceiling-of-this-beautiful-room-it’s-ruining-all-the-furniture type of surprises. But other times, they can be finding-a-drawer-filled-with-all-your-favourite-food type of surprises. Despite these similarities, I am not a room.

I was built a person.

I feel. Deeply.

I love. Unconditionally.

I forget. Hardly.

I forgive. Easily.

I regret. Chronically.

I laugh. Openly.

I cry. Secretly.

I sing. Badly.

I break-up. Messily.

And despite my experience with endings I still haven’t found a way to clean the mess up.

All I know, is that at certain times, I must force myself to be a little bit like a room. At certain times, the only thing I can do is force myself to shut that door.

And leave all the messiness behind.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Climb every mountain

Don’t scale every peak you come across. Or, to put it another way, look before you climb. Sometimes, the view from the top makes it all worthwhile. But on other occasions, you may regret wasting all the effort.

Remember when you first heard the phrase “climb every mountain”? My school teachers used it to teach us that every opportunity was worth exploring and that every obstacle or challenge was worth confronting. Excuse me, teacher, but these days, there just isn’t enough time to climb every mountain, so we need to be very careful about choosing the activities that we want to invest in.

“Climb every mountain” conditioned us to jump through any hoop to reach our goal; that it was our duty, and that if you didn’t, you were a bit of a loser. As youngsters, we threw ourselves at ‘A’ level maths, waiting tables, even tutoring—never mind that it had nothing to do with our still-hazy goals—just to satisfy ourselves that we tried whatever came our way.

In the process, we learned that some mountains are tough but worth it, some fun but pointless and others simply a dismal waste of time—like the time I went from door to door selling encyclopedias when Day One convinced me that I was no salesperson.

Although there are valuable lessons to be learned from exposing yourself to variety, the opportunity cost may be too high in that you could be doing work that could prove far more important to your future happiness.

Adults I know who are old enough to ponder retirement look at their receding career with some disappointment. The cowpats of regret: the opportunities they missed, the chances they didn’t take, in short, all the mountains they didn’t climb. Failed, more often by unrealistic goals or unfeasible career plans than by lack of effort, it is easy to feel disillusioned, “less than” everything you could have become. Being optimistic and dreaming big is one thing, but reaching beyond what is rationally possible, within your financial means and within sensible time frames is a good recipe for making yourself miserable.

Important questions
If you are getting confused about where you are headed, or beginning to feel disappointed with your life, you may need to step back and regroup. You may be climbing the wrong mountains.

What if someone, very early in your life, taught you not to climb every mountain but to choose the ones that might deliver the greatest rewards? What if teacher had said “choose your mountain”? And taught you how to single out the type of rewards that were worth striving for instead of wasting time chasing after cheap prizes that don’t bring lasting satisfaction or fulfillment?

Ask yourself some important questions such as: Have I set my goals too high? Nothing wrong with having high aspirations but consider what you might have to sacrifice. Can you realistically achieve these goals without harming your health, finances or spiritual self? What Worklife coaches call the Wheel of Success is made up of spokes representing the following: Finance, Career, Leisure, Family, Spirituality (or Religion), Community, Continuous Education, and Others. Think carefully about how these parts of your life are faring under your current career plan, and what you can do to accord more—or less—importance to one or another.

For example, you may be spending too much time on making money and not enough on building a career, or too much money on your career and not enough on your family. Working mums are especially conflicted about dividing their attention between work and home. Ensuring that all the different areas of your life communicate harmoniously is one of life’s most satisfying achievements.

Have you set interim goals that will bring you satisfaction when you reach them? Some people are prepared to delay their gratification, preferring to wait till the “end” for their reward. While they may be prepared to settle for so-so jobs or work with the Homer Simpsons of the world while they wait, remember that life without it’s daily component of satisfaction or happiness—if not from the work itself than at least from workmates—can be emotionally draining.

Don’t wait to enjoy

You don’t have to wait to enjoy your life—do things that you can enjoy now, especially your job, and let that satisfaction and feeling of well-being drive you towards greater achievements. Being a miserable arse in the office will not get you that promotion. Give yourself little rewards and celebrate all your victories so that the career journey seems worthwhile, and not just another mountain to climb.

Do I have a social life? Do I have a support system? Even people in relationships have trouble with this one. A support system does not have to revolve around a significant other (husband, wife, or partner). While it helps to have a partner to share and believe in your dreams, you do still need a wider circle of friends you can rely on to sound off on the things you may not want to worry your partner with. They are also there to have fun with so start networking and form your own life support system—you’ll need it!

Do I have a hobby that I thoroughly enjoy? No matter now old we are, we still need to play. Hobbies keep our minds sharp and our hearts youthful, so whether it’s golf or wines or stamp collecting, feed your interests and share them. They will be welcome distractions from the stresses of work so don’t give up on them.

You don’t have to climb the mountains you don’t want to, or have to. There are two ways of going about it: you could be pragmatic and tread your career path carefully and smoothly, or you could rush around grasping greedily at everything, and not getting anywhere in the end.

Thursday, October 09, 2008

Confession # 3

I believe bad service is God's way of warning us not to eat fast food.

Now if only I would just listen.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Recipe for an Irritated Senorita

Preparation Time: 10 Min

Ready in: 20 Min

Servings: Original recipe yields 1 healthy serving of Irritated Senorita, enough to satisfy everyone who wants any.

INGREDIENTS:

1 Senorita, if possible, choose one that has had very little sleep the previous night

1 Person who doesn't know how to use MS Word (Person)

1 Request from Person for help (Request)

1 Copy of MS Word

3 Patient explanations

4 Screenshots to emphasize explanations


DIRECTIONS

1. In a medium-sized mixing bowl, combine Senorita, Person, Request and Copy of MS Word.

2. Let simmer for 10 minutes, making sure there is absolutely NO understanding of the reviewing tool in MS Word.

3. Add three patient explanations, mix in 2 screenshots.

4. Repeat steps 2 and 3. Let simmer for 10 more minutes.

5. Spread this mixture in a 9-inch (or a little larger) round serving dish. Top the mixture with repeated questions, previously extracted from Person.

Ta-da! And you have an Irritated Senorita.

And now I need an aspirin and a nap.

Monday, October 06, 2008

Confession # 2 - Cats Eat People

Friend: I’ve always hated cats since I heard that if you died, they’d eat you if they couldn’t find food.

Me: Uh, I’d eat you if you died and I couldn’t find food.

Friend: You would?!!? That’s why you have cats…

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

The Problem of My Soul.

I need me some new adventures.

R is for .....

.. Re-Programming One-self

If we are programmed from birth, or even before birth...to be a certain way, to act a certain way, to believe certain things, then how do we rewrite the program if it's not working for us?

When we make intellectual decisions to change...how do we make the transition into changing it in our heart and in our soul?

If I have desires that are literally stamped on my soul- how do I make myself not want that anymore?

I can imagine the person I wish I was. I can see myself loving my life as it is. I can see it- I just can't feel it.