Path to Nowhere.

Life is similar to following a path, travelling down a road, or taking a journey. The experience has a variety of terrain. There are smooth patches that you glide over. There are bumpy stretches that are difficult to navigate. There are hills and valleys. Sometimes you get stuck in a rut or sucked into a pot hole. There are twists, turns, forks in the road and dead ends. Sometimes you move forward and others you take a few steps back or even sideways.

I pride myself on trying to move forward in all areas of my life. I admit that I have taken steps back or repeated legs of the trip but I am constantly trying to work my way forward. But then a few nights ago I was standing in the shower letting the water run down over my body and the steam swirl at my feet when it hit me. I ran straight into a brick wall. I have no idea where I am going. No idea of what I am doing with my life. No idea whether or not I like my job. No idea what the future holds for me. I feel like I am on the path to nowhere.

I am 36 years old and often feel like I am stuck in this make believe game of adulthood. There are days that I feel about as mature and pulled together as a 15 year old. I look around me and see friends buying houses, getting married, having babies, and settling into a career. And there I am still bumbling my way through my career, and with no relationship that is leading anywhere near the marriage and babies stage. (Although I could do without the babies' part right now)

I just feel a bit insignificant and lost. It's like I have found myself standing in the middle of a field with miles of empty space around me. Not sure where I am going or how I ended up there. In the middle of nowhere. I hope my direction becomes clearer this year.