For the tired body.

-Apparently there is a limit to how much physical punishment the body can take. I cannot for instance, stave off an encroaching flu bug while, doing a full body workout and work late hours at the same time. The fine balance doesn't call for a third weight.
-There is not much you can do if you're a workaholic who has been forced to stay at home, except get some much needed rest. Better one day at home than a week in the hospital, as a patient.
-Being a geek often means that you take up the responsibility of the knowledge you bear. This of course leads to the dependency from the uninformed and ignorant. The trick is not to wear yourself out when the simple hobby becomes a near obsession. Easier said than done when everyone seems to have problems all at once.
-Being sick has never taken my sense of taste away from me. I will still demand for good food, which is been a pain since I tend to cook for myself these days. Still, there is no better substitute for good food to pick you up especially when done right. I have my own beef stroganoff to testify to that.
-It's nice to know that regardless of what happens, encouraging words and someone willing to cover for you often works better than constant nagging advice and a critique that you need to do better. It's a choice we have to make on who we are willing to be around. It can mean the difference between a more optimistic mind and a much more tired body.

Home Alone on a Friday night.

I’m feel­ing over­stim­u­lated. This is the only night I’ve had alone for the last two weeks, and I haven’t caught up with Frank for the longest time.

Fridays nights always make me feel rest­less. I never ever want to do any­thing after a full day of work, and at the same time I want to be out. I feel so alone, yet I don’t feel lonely. Maybe I’m just too busy to feel anything. Or maybe I’m just get­ting used to the solitude.

It’s a self-imposed exile, so I can’t com­plain. There are so many things I could do, oppor­tu­ni­ties I could take, peo­ple I could see, but I never end up fol­low­ing through. Everything is so sta­ble and com­fort­able when I’m by myself.

July has been long and tiring.

-Sometimes all the past is exactly what it is. A part of your life that can never move on or change no matter how hard we all try. That's why in the end we always have to look forward to a future. Something you can create at least. Especially when it involves people you like a lot.
-I've just realized that Macs are like Alfa Romeos. It's not as good as it's advertised and it can be a little bit pricey. But it's very pretty and no one can ever call themselves a true geek until they've worked with a Mac at least once in their life.
-Rainy weather is possibly the worst weather to be particularly productive owing to the cold sleepy mood it always brings. This is particularly bad when you're trying to get your fair share of work done. Even worse when you're juggling more than one thing at a time.
-Entertaining your crush on a friend shouldn't precede the work you're meant to be doing, but if it snaps you out of a depressing jam that's in your way, then there is no shame in being the biggest flirt you always were.
-The whole purpose of bureaucratic administration isn't always to help you along. I'm beginning to believe that it's there like a giant obstacle where we have to duck and weave in order to prevent ourselves from chucked about. The only difference is, obstacle courses tend to give you rewards in return. Bureaucratic administration tends to give you a headache and the job you were supposed to do anyway.

Richard St John's 8 secrets to success.

Thought For the Day.

Some days you are your own best friend.
Other days you can be your worst enemy.
Then there are the days in between.

Gazing at the Moon,

There are people on this planet who get an idea and work hard to realise it. Others sit on the fence and ponder. Some weigh up options then make informed decisions. Others talk themselves out of a venture due to the fear of losing a comfort zone.

Out of these shooting stars, some get to accomplish their dreams, others who don’t get to revel in success remain undefeated and possibly try again.

When an astute person takes an adventurous step into the unknown, inevitably they ruffle others’ feathers. People’s reactions to their venture are varied, yet they invariably express them in context of bias and diffidence.

There are the naysayers, the I-thought-of-it-before (yet didn’t do it), the la-la-la singers with palms firmly over perky ears, the wise monkey emulators with eyes shut but curiously peeking through gaps in their fingers; pity some do not know how to speak no evil. All act according to personal gain and hidden agendas, eventually passing a judgement that feeds their purpose.

What shines across the galaxy like the Evening Star after sunset are the heartfelt and the genuine, the stellar individuals who may or may not covet others yet wholeheartedly and without prejudice support them in their endeavours.

They are as easy to spot with the naked eye as a full moon in a starless sky.

Trying to figure "Happy" ( again )

I believe they say that happiness is a "state of mind." I don't know who "they" are or what makes them the authority on an emotion that is clearly hard to define.

It has recently come to my attention that I am at a point in my life where I have pulled my head out of my ass long enough to realize that I have been selling myself short. Although I am not sure where I will go from here, it is at least something to think about, and hopefully act upon in the relatively near future.

I have a few questions. Excuse the random thought pattern, I am just thinking "out loud."

How does one incorporate what they love into their career? "Live what you love." It's a statement that I have been struggling with these past few years.

I want to be more creative, and I want to do so in an environment that makes me some dough.

I'm not looking to "get rich", I am just looking to make a living at something that I love to do.

The funny thing is, I am not exactly sure what that is. I mean, I love to write, I love to cook, and bake, and decorate. I have been told I am a great salesperson, "people person" blah blah blah...corporate bullshit...etc. So, how do I take these talents and make them work for me in the capacity I want them to work. Does that make sense?

Then I look at the things I have been through. I have overcome this obstacle of R.A in my life that I feel is just staring me in the face screaming, "DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT STUPID! Take what you know, and share it with the world! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?"

How can I incorporate what I have learned in a medium to help others, which will in turn give me a career that will fill this void I believe is missing in my life. Or, am I just crazy and selfish, and taking for granted the opportunities that I have now?

So many of us are stuck in the 8 to 5 jobs that we have mediocre feelings for at best. Just think about it...40 hours a week for the next 30-or so odd years is a lot of time, and a HUGE chunk out of my life. Why should I settle with anything less than what makes me feel like I am utilizing all of my potential?

Am I merely basking in the comfort of a salary and predictability as a means to float by, pay my bills in a timely manner, and ensure that I have proper health care?

Because if I am, that's bullshit. Plain and simple.

I just called myself out...Which hurts a little...Damn, I can be tough on myself.

Anyway, what I am searching for right now is a little guidance. Possibly some direction, a way to go...Some words of wisdom, or maybe just a swift kick in the ass.

Discuss amongst yourself, and feel free to clue me in on the mystery if you so desire.

*The above picture of my dog's asses was an accident that turned out to be one of my favorite pictures. Sometimes the unintended things in life can turn into a "happy accident." I just wish I could stumble upon a few more of them right now.

Reference: 9XX19XXX

Dear Frigging Help Desk/Call Center People,

You should seriously consider changing your name. The word ‘help’ is soooo last century and so over-rated when you can’t even help yourselves get out of a tight spot. Unless your ‘desk’ needs ‘help’ balancing your empty coffee cups, bags of chips, M&Ms and 2 minute noodles.

Obviously they are not paying you enough to think. Regurgitating outdated information that is readily available on your computer screen does not solve a problem. I could have sworn I was conversing with an automated service that was coughing up excerpts copied and pasted from some manual. I already have RTFM*!!!

Sure I’ve been battling with different customer service personnel during the last couple of days. And, yes I’m grumpy. And I’ve cussed and cursed and F keyed then gave up in disgust only to get up in the morning and repeat the above. I know too well that doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is a sign of insanity, but that gives me ample justification to take it out. On you.

And while we’re talking tired clichés and old buzz words, see, I can regurgitate too, let me remind you of an oldie but a goodie, so passé you probably weren’t even born then. The customer is always right. And that gives me ample rights to waste your time then kick your arse, well, just because I feel like it.

All the best. You need it.

The Choices that People Make.

What makes people choose the paths they walk? What is it that makes anyone decide which way to take in a fork in the road? What makes someone turn right when clearly they were signalling left? The human mind is a complex thing. We spend the rest of our lives believing that we have a choice, never knowing or understanding the reason behind the choices we make.

In that ignorance…we are forced to walk the path we are already walking without any way of turning back…anyway of true choice. That is the illusion in which we all thread upon. Ignorance in the belief we can make a choice. We see it everyday. People trapped in the concequence that they created. From the tasks we do, to the love we give, to the life we choose.

We couldn't possibly make a choice at that moment because the options are already closed. We're only living out the concequence of something we probably decided a long time ago. Once the choice has been made, then we can only wait for it to be played out…not immediately…but in time the full extent of those actions will be revealed. That's why the choices we make are illusions. That's why we spend our lives saying we have no choice.
We've already made our choice a long time ago. Now we're just playing it as it is supposed to be played. Anything else are just extras.

Why do we always take the road that ends in death? When we have a choice to shape our will as long as we draw breath.

Dark Angry Clouds

Far too many people go through life with clouds of anger over their heads, waiting for the first chance to strike at others. Be it is road rage, angry help desk calls, endless unresolved complaints or being undermined at work, people are often on edge, ready to hurl abuse and violence towards others.
There can only be one reason. They are not getting enough sex.

This week I had the misfortune of enduring a nasty situation where an irate woman continuously spat venom at me and refused to allow me to speak. The result was a shouting match where I had no choice but to stoop to her childish tactics by yelling over her voice like the hormonal witch she was, which only served to irate her further.It wasn’t a work situation. It wasn’t a pram pusher getting a vantage spot at a crowded café – though it happens – or a 4WD/SUV driver hogging the road. She claimed to be in charge and when she realised she had been incompetent in her actions, she resorted to yelling at me, the customer, who had invested a substantial sum in the company’s product.

I hated having to retaliate by copying her behaviour. I despised her existence for bringing out the worst in me. I was furious at the cloud of anger she had passed onto me when I carry clearer skies. Though I yelled over her voice and finished by belittling her position in the company, I did not resort to name calling. But my fist was in the air and my inner bitch was shouting, “Fuck you!”, all for a good reason.

There are merits in giving someone the finger, and yelling out the ubiquitous insult. Not only for the feel-good retaliative factor but you could be doing them a favour by passing on the right message. Have sex. And have more sex. And if you’re not sure what is enough, then have some more you f@$%^&* idiot sh%^&*of a b(&^%$#!!!
Nothing like a good prick to that bubble of anger over their heads to give them the release they so desperately need.

Defining Love.

What is love to most people? A criteria met? An urge? A liking? A soulmate found? What is it that most people relate to when they find love? The other night, J referred to someone who had a whole list of criteria for the man she would love and plainly states of course she's worth it all. Not to say she isn't worth it, but maybe it's just philosophical ideals in love which makes me wonder what that person is really looking for in a relationship.

It just occurs to me that with all the things she laid out for…you can easily find it in a friend too not just a lover. I just find it hard to understand that love could mean just that to that person. Its logical yes…but since when is love ever logical. What if she finds a person that complements her personality completely… a soulmate if you will… but he is not contented with money and would rather donate than live a life of luxury. Could she sacrifice her ideals for it? Could she love a man who would sacrifice himself for the benefit of others?

Or what about a man who's beliefs oppose hers or at least isn't the same, yet he has a kind soul living his life based on principles that would make the dalai lama seem cruel? Could she then find a way to see past that criteria?

So it goes back to the beginning? What is love to her? She states the criteria in which she looks for a man…yet fails to state what that man would mean to her. If a man does everything in his power to strive for perfection, then what is she to him? What would he be to her? Just saying that nothing good comes without a price. What that price would be can be more important than the foundation she laid before her.

I guess its good to have a goal you can work up to. If she realises that sometimes you got to sacrifice ideals for the next best thing that comes along, then thats even better. But as much as we wait for the perfect somebody to come and sweep us off our feet. It just pays to be careful that we don't set ourselves for a big disappointment.

Choose Starbucks.

Choice. What is choice? (Yes, I am still on this case) To most of us it is simply the act of picking out alternative courses of decisions and actions. We believe that by giving ourselves a choice we are perpetuating our own freedom in life…that our life is controled by our own actions.

But the choices that we know are just illusions.

We would think that by making choices at least we won't feel so bad when we have no where to go, but the truth is choice are here for one thing. To offer something that would make our otherwise boring lives more interesting than it already is. Half the time we don't know why we have choices. The worst part is…given everything we have today...

Choices really mean nothing to us.

When you think about it…in the end…most actions that you come across will be the one you pick for being you. That "choice" of yours is a mere reflection of the person you are. More often than not…unless someone gives a second opinion, you're going to be doing the first "option" you thought off.

Not much of a choice now is there?

We are slaves to our indecisiveness and lack of self. We like to believe that our own choices are keys to escape the mundane existance of otherwise boring repetition. How could we ever know what we want for ourselves when we don't know who we are anyway? How could you expect to make a choice when you don't know what you want in life, who you are in life?

Fortunately for us civillisation has given us the solution to our problem with indecisiveness.
Starbucks.

That's right. When you come to look at it this way. This consumeristic cancer has given people with no decision making ability to make 5 to 6 different decisions to buy one cup of coffee. Decaf, Tall, Short, Latte, Grande, Mocha, Double Expresso…and the list goes on and on. So people who don't know what they are doing or don't know who they are…can, for 10 bucks not only get themselves a drink but also an absolute defining sense of self.
Does that make any sense to you?

I don't know. It makes sense to me.

So the next time you go to Starbucks or something like it. Take a moment to look through the horrendous amount of choices it gives you and ask yourself.

It this really what I want?

Go figure!

The Choices that People Make.

What makes people choose the paths they walk? What is it that makes anyone decide which way to take in a fork in the road? What makes someone turn right when clearly they were signalling left? The human mind is a complex thing. We spend the rest of our lives believing that we have a choice, never knowing or understanding the reason behind the choices we make.

In that ignorance…we are forced to walk the path we are already walking without any way of turning back…anyway of true choice. That is the illusion in which we all thread upon. Ignorance in the belief we can make a choice. We see it everyday. People trapped in the concequence that they created. From the tasks we do, to the love we give, to the life we choose.

We couldn't possibly make a choice at that moment because the options are already closed. We're only living out the concequence of something we probably decided a long time ago. Once the choice has been made, then we can only wait for it to be played out…not immediately…but in time the full extent of those actions will be revealed. That's why the choices we make are illusions. That's why we spend our lives saying we have no choice.
We've already made our choice a long time ago. Now we're just playing it as it is supposed to be played. Anything else are just extras.

Why do we always take the road that ends in death? When we have a choice to shape our will as long as we draw breath.

Patience Is A Virtue

I've never been a particularly patient person. Most people, including my mother, blame this on me growing up as if I was an only child. As much as I hate having my few character flaws (cough, cough!) blamed on the circumstances of my childhood, I'd have to admit that this is probably true. I mean, it's not like I ever had to fight for the attention of my family of adults, and while my parents couldn't afford to spoil me monetarily, they certainly spoiled me emotionally (wait...that sounds bad). Although, my threshold for bullshit has waxed and waned as I've gotten older, I've found that, yes patience is a virtue and it will be rewarded, but you know old habits die hard.

Things that I have no patience for:

Standing behind old ladies at the supermarket or bank.
Long voicemail messages.
Standing in line in general
People who ask questions about the menu at a fast food restaurant. Really? It's all crap and it all tastes the same and I only get 30 minutes for lunch, so make a farking decision or bring a damn sandwich.
Any songs over 3 minutes or that has more than 3 guitar solos.
Professors who lecture the obvious in a graduate level class. If you don't know how to write a research paper in AMA format by now, graduate school is not for you.
Getting stuck in the right lane at a red light behind someone who is not turning right. Fark you.
People who come to work sick. Your incessant coughing makes me stabby. Grrrr.
Farmer's markets...especially those women who butt in front of you to ask if those cucumbers are locally grown and then proceed to have a 30 minute conversation about their local favorite coming-to-be-with-Jesus moment with the seller. Die in a fire.

What tries your patience?

Back To 1..

After a weekend of a well earned and deserved break, I'm back. Now to pick up on where I left off…

I realize now that I actually work to earn what I want to get in life, as it always should be. A step down from the more noble responsibilities of duty, but if we don't enjoy the fruits of our labor as it goes, won't we regret it when it's too late to take back what we deserved?

Seeing that the camera, the headphones and a new PC have been scratched off my list of things to buy. Next up on list it to replace the obsolete phone that I have. Something with RSS receiving capabilities sounds just about right. Anyone care to recommend me a phone for it?

When your partner appears in your relatives picture scrapbook in which is updated from time to time, rest assured you don't have to worry about them being accepted into the family because they already are.

I need to go on a diet. 3 months worth of food that you usually don't eat in one sitting really takes its toll.

It's time to brush up the old new years' resolutions. Clean on the ones I didn't finish and reinforce the ones that need to keep up. After all, there aren't any disappointments when you built on yourself expectations that can't be reached in just one year.

Last but not least, it's here. So sit back and wait for the show to start.

How to Tell if Your Cat is Plotting to Kill You

How to Tell if Your Cat is Plotting to Kill You

How To Tell if Your Cat is Plotting to Kill You.

Emptiness

It's been more than three years since we first started going out with each other. It's also more than three years before I realised that we have far and few sentimental records of us being together. We have very few pictures of us being together, we don't have a special place where we did anything out of the ordinary, we don't even have a song that reminds us of our time together and heck, none of us can remember the exact date of when we actually started going out. In short, we appear as confused and devoid of all things romantic as people who have never dated in their lives.

Yet, three years is a long time to go without the normal idea of what a relationship should be and maybe, that has always been for the better. For if the conventional idea of a relationship often leads to more breakups in the general population than you can stomach, perhaps it is high time to take the unconventional route. One that you're more comfortable with.

As much as the sentimental romantic in me may want to have all the recorded memories of our time together for a future that I want to share, the fact that not even time and distance seem to put a dent the relationship proves that one thing is for sure. Unorthodox ways work best with unorthodox people and I don't think that all the special songs and spots in the world could achieve what we have accomplished over the years.

For what it's worth, I'm happy we're doing something right for a change and I know, several thousand miles away, in another timezone, that he is as well..

Coming around.

Sometimes in life, there has to be an unsaid rule that the things we expect the least are the things that define us the most. Even if you stayed true to it everyday, expecting something to happen, sometimes we just commit to it, never expecting that one day, the things we tried so hard to accomplish will come true.

I don't know if it was the title next to my name, or the message on my status, or the time of the day, or that he was bored to begin with. It's in times like these, I don't really care for the reasons at all because there is nothing to care about save for the exact moment that it happened.

For the first time in over a year, the ex, the soulmate, the one that got away, the guy that will always be a part of me, started to talk back.

For better or for worse, no matter how short a conversation, that always brightens up an otherwise depressing weekend.

Birthday Wisdom.

Birthdays are interesting things. A time to take stock, sift through events from the past and look to the promise of the future. A time to make plans, throw away what hasn't been working in favor of brighter horizons, better opportunities.

Birthdays are also a time for tough love. Or perhaps they are merely a time of tough love for me. Especially this year. Having just left a '7' year behind me, and moved onto an '8', I'm pensive.

I've heard that seven-aged years, (17, 27, 37, etc.), are meant to be psychically super-charged. Events undertaken during these years are auspicious and the seeds planted destined to grow to greatness. But what of the years that precede or follow '7' years. Do they get bumpkus? Are they destined to be incrementally wonderful, or...?

I'm not a kid anymore, but then again, I don't really feel old either. It's strange. When I was younger, I yearned, as many teenagers do, to be 'older'. To be an adult...a woman. Then as I achieved all of these things, I found I felt no different, no older. I'm not sure I could ever really verbalize what I expected being 25 or 32 to feel or look like; I sort-of figured it would be a case of 'I'll recognize it when I see it' sort of situation. The problem with this logic is...I don't. I never have. I've stumbled through many situations, convinced X = X, only then with time and distance to realize that, X wasn't X at all. It was really Y, and it meant Z.

I guess I could undeniably say that at 38 years old, I have achieved 'older'. I am older now. It's official. Whether I feel that way, or look that way or even act that way, I am older. And it changes things. It changes my perception of other people and of what I want. It changes my perception of what I think I can get or even should hope for...and it changes my perception of where I think I will be in the future. And I don't like it. So much time is given to disecting the single woman's life. Is she too picky? Is she a slut? Is she expecting too much? Does she try too hard? I'm sure married folk and those in long-term relationships bear their own excruciatingly annoying burdens - burdens given to them by society and well-meaning types who only want the best for them, but it's exhausting. I find I can't defend my reasons for not wanting to go out every night or make myself painfully 'available' at single's events. I've never enjoyed such things and as I get older, their appeal is markedly less.

The truth is, I never anticipated being alone at 38. And now that I have this reality, I don't quite know what to do with it. I can't be the girl who wants to go out every weekend, yet I don't want to make myself a fossil on the shelf either. There's not much space in society for women my age, it seems. We are either desperate to be married, or cougars. Old maids who are of no consequence, or has-beens who were too picky.

I'm neither a cougar, nor desperate. Yet I do want to find a man with whom I can have a lasting relationship, and feel he is my equal both in spirit and expectation. Am I failing myself? Am I the one who is, truly, throwing marbles under her own feet? Like I said, sometimes X doesn't equal X. It's curious, this getting older. I don't know what the future holds for me, it's true. I certainly could not have predicted last year, or even the past 6 months. Nor would I change them. But given my druthers, I don't know if I'd have kept convincing myself that X = X after all.

30 Things To Do Today.

Sometimes the biggest and most charitable things in life doesn't have to be a something you spend years accomplishing. Here's a challenge for you if you dare! Can you change the world in 30 seconds? I don't know if I can, but being through the things we've been through, I think I have an idea.

The upside to this is that all you have to do are 30 things that take 30 seconds each to do that you think will change the world. Here is my list:

Sincerely smile at a person you hate the most.
Publicly apologise for any mistakes you made no matter how small they are.
Forgive the people who wronged you in the past.
Help the elderly or handicap cross the road.
Tell someone how much they mean to you.
Tell your friends you care for them.
Tell the person you love that you love them even if they don't know.
Say "Bless You" when someone sneezes.
Make a promise you know you can keep.
Listen to people.
Say witty one liners that make perfect sense.
Engage in idle talk with the cashier at the supermarket.
Say Grace out loud before eating.
Give a sincere compliment to a friend.
Give money to a person on a street.
Stop and listen to street musicians.
Refill the coffee pot if you're the last person to drink coffee.
Put recyclable junk in their appropiate places.
Put the toilet seat down after use.
Use a breath mint.
Plant a tree.
Switch off the lights in a room you're not using.
Always let someone else take the seat during rush hour.
Put on a condom.
Ask someone how they are doing.
Talk to God.
Say thank you whenever you recieve anything.
Message a friend you haven't talked to in a long time and ask them out for a drink
Sign up for organ donation.
Laugh.

So…who else is up for the challenge?

Delight.

someone told me some time ago, that when a delightful one leaves she takes the light with her.

i was enchanted by that sentiment – how wonderfully loving and sensitive!

…then after some time had passed, i wondered if delight still hung on that someone’s mind like a be-dewed ray of sunshine, or had that someone gotten used to how life was, way before delight came and, and - perhaps forgotten who delight was, what she is.

have you forgotten about delight, my world-weary citizen?

delight hasn’t forgotten about you.

The Garbage Truck Theory.

Beware of Garbage Trucks
By David J. Pollay

How often do you let other people's nonsense change your mood? Do you let a bad driver, rude waiter, curt boss, or an insensitive colleague ruin your day? Unless you're a robot, you are bound to blow your top off. However, the mark of a sucessful person is how quickly he or she can get back his or her focus on what's important.

Sixteen years ago, I learned this lesson. I learn it in the back of a New York City taxi cab. Here's what happened.

I hopped in a taxi, and we took off for Grand Central Station. We were driving in the right lane when, all of a sudden, a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car's back end by just inches!

The driver of the other car, the guy who almost caused a big accident, whipped his head around and he started yelling bad words at us.

My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean he was really friendly. So, I said, 'Why did you do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!'

And this is when my taxi driver told me what I now called, 'The Law of the Garbage Truck'.

Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it. If they happen to dump it on you, don't take it personally.

You just smile, wave, wish them well, and moved on. You'll be happier if you did that rather than fight them.

So this was it: 'The Law of the Garbage Truck'.

I started thinking, how often do I let garbage trucks run right over me? And how often do I take their garbage and spread it to other people: at work, at home, on the street? It was that day I said, 'I'm not going to do it anymore.' I see garbage trucks everywhere and everyday. I see the load they're carrying. I see them coming to drop it off. And like my taxi driver, I don't make it a personal thing; I just smile, wave, wish them well, and I move on.

Good leaders know they have to be ready for their next meeting. Good parents know they have to welcome their kids home from school with hugs and kisses. Teachers and parents know that they have to be fully present and at their best for the people they care about.

The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. What about you? What would happen in your life, starting today, if you let more garbage trucks pass you by?

Here's my bet. You'll be happier.

So ... love the people who treat you right.
Forget about the ones who don't.
Believe that every thing happens for a reason.
If you get a chance, TAKE IT!
If it changes your life, LET IT!
Nobody said it would be easy ....
They just promised it would be WORTH IT

Cheers!

'Life is short. Enjoy the journey.'

For The Love of Words.

Words I Like
Fall – as in the season, what some people refer to as autumn
Autumnal – the adjective of what the rest of us refer to as fall
Vitriol – because it sounds as strong as what it means
Sentiments – doesn't it have such a romantic flair
Arse – I love pronouncing it, writing it, grabbing it…
Gorgeous – need I explain?

Words I Dislike
Toe/toes – bleeeeeah, and not just because I dislike feet..
Baby – call me ‘baby’ and I’ll rip your balls off!
Ma’am – I''m not 100+ years old.
Connoisseur - an English word with Latin origins that sounds French but appears bastardised by having an oi instead of ai.
Incredulous – sounds a bit overly dramatic.
Awesome – a highly overused word on its own, even I'm guilty of that at times.

Words That Make Me Giggle
Bollocks – when said as an interjection, perfect with a British accent.
Ass – as pronounced by North Americans as Opposed to the word ‘arse’
Bosom – which goes hand in hand with heaving. The image that conjures in my mind....
Brouhaha – try saying it without laughing
Z – when pronounced Zee by North Americans as opposed to Zed for the rest of us.

At a Loss For Words.

There is a lot I want to say at times, nothing that I can articulate into sentences, just a whirlpool of thoughts and emotions in my head that need to be diffused or released. It could well be the lack of restful sleep of late, or the unusual dreams that wake me up with a ‘what the…’ feeling or that occasional pounding heart rate at 2 am that refuses to calm down.

There is a lot that can be said to maintaining a certain standard in a blog, going through archives, classifying and sorting through emotions. It’s not an exercise in creative writing, but a stocktake of emotions over a period of time.

There are many occasions when I just want to let it out and speak to a particular person or two, without self-restraint, without concern for their feelings or interpretation, without carefully weighing each word so they don’t come back and bite me some time later.

There are days when I just want to say wonderful things to people who make a difference but something within stops me from spontaneously expressing those words. I resort to careful planning and editing, and in the process I lose the powerful words that would in turn make a difference to their day.

There is a lot that I feel and don’t feel. There are moments where the highs are just beautiful and long lasting and the rest is just plain and ordinary sensations, nothing to mull over or be particularly sad.

There is a lot that I wish to say to you, and you, and even you. But I can’t tell you when you can’t hear me, and you’d prefer not to listen, and deep down you really don’t want to know. Because you already know.

There is a lot to say when I’m being incoherent.

Today's Quote.

A quoi bon soulever des montagnes quand il est si simple de passer par-dessus?

Why move mountains when you can simply go over them? ~Boris Vian

Almost Indifferent.

I miss manners. I miss the moment when, a man and a woman meet and suddenly air is in drastically insufficient quantities, when eyes are shifted, darted, drawn back again to that which you desperately want to stare at, yet know is in exceedingly bad taste and little manners to even contemplate. Such impudent independence.

I miss when it meant something for a man to request the pleasure of a woman's company for a turn about the drawing room, and when parlour dances and cards where how Friday evenings were spent. I miss empire waistlines, bonnets and pin curls. When relations between an unmarried man, and an unmarried woman, were held to exquisitely high standards, and both parties were more than obliged to maintain those standards; they were proud and most anxious to do so.

I miss balls, and croquet, and houses lit by candlelight. No radio, or television, or Internet to soften our brain cells. When music meant playing the piano or spinnet, and when reading a book was a family affair.

I miss those which I have never known; a man telling me he loves me, and meaning it. A man standing by me through all the awful, hard, proud and desolate moments that go to make up a woman's life, and waking up each day to know he would still be there.

I miss Mr. Darcy, and Mr. Wentworth. I miss Ms. Bennet and Ms. Elliott. I miss Ms. Ryane, and don't quite know how to retrieve here from the place from when she's strayed. So much easier, it is, and more constant, to simply remain distant and frozen from this life, and yearn for that which I have only ever known in past carnations. I miss a moment spent outside under the dark cocoon of a summer sky and the only thing to see riding across the heavens is thick swathes of stars...illuminating space as far as the eye can detect. No streetlights. No sirens. No industry.

I'm well aware that were I living in Jane Austen's time, I would be more than an old maid; I'd be a parlour maid, or a serving maid or potentially, were I very lucky and clever, an upstairs maid. Would I be a married woman, at 37? Unlikely. And yet...

37...in 2010, is akin to 27...in 1813. My only reference is that I, at least, need not rely upon any male relation to see to my livelihood or yearly salary. I, at least, am able to earn my own keep and take care of myself.

But at what cost? Sometimes, I wonder.

Love, Senorita.

There is an irritating-time-wasting-gag-worthy shopping task that I occasionally have to endure, and pay handsomely for the privilege. It may sound simple, to elbow others in front of a messy stand – and that’s in itself cause for ire – and choose a piece of mass-produced cardboard with a few printed words. But in reality, it brings out the red monster within.

Greeting cards work on the premise that the image will grab your attention and the clichéd words will reflect sentiments you are incapable of expressing. They have a short expiry date in your life, unless you hoard memorabilia from every birthday, Christmas, New Year, illness, hospital stay, graduation, farewell, engagement, wedding, anniversary, baby, and death.

Whenever I am given a card, I pity the person watching me open the envelope. If it is a Far Side card, my reaction is to give them a long hard blank stare. I just don’t get it. And if they have to explain it to me, I still don’t think it’s funny. Cute teddy bears, I’ve outgrown when my teddy got jealous, and he’s a precious one I dare not upset. Cutesy cats and dogs are out of the question for someone like me. Floral arrangements, housey cottages, artwork and nature make me reach for the porcelain bowl recycling bin. Girly cards with lots of splashed pink aren’t me.

Which brings me to e-cards. Having enjoyed a ten minute fame in their heyday, flash-animated cartoons with annoying music leave me cold, reaching for that bottle of brandy reserved for cool, sleepless nights. In fact, I have stopped opening them when one innocent click downloaded a malicious virus and hijacked my PC.

But I confess to having in my possession a small collection of memorable cards. They have a stylish and modern design, they are sassy and bold – a bit like me – with just a few heartfelt words written by the sender – like ‘Dear Senorita..., Love Me’.

Which is why I was instantly attracted to this site and I immediately raced to send one. No, not this one.

So, on this Valentine’s Day, permit me to send you all a little expression of my sentiments.

Job Titles When I Become President of My Own Company.

-Super Dooper Director
-Mega Manager
-Executive Dreamer
-Lead Typist In An Office
-Coordinator of Copy Management
-Culinary Cooler Coordinator
-Morale Manager
-Director of Global Gossip
-Group Travel Manager, Happy Hour
-Senior Vice President, Other People’s Personal Business

Impatience!

I've never been a particularly patient person. Most people, including my mother, blame this on me growing up as if I was an only child. As much as I hate having my few character flaws (cough, cough!) blamed on the circumstances of my childhood, I'd have to admit that this is probably true. I mean, it's not like I ever had to fight for the attention of my family of adults, and while my parents couldn't afford to spoil me monetarily, they certainly spoiled me emotionally (wait...that sounds bad). Although, my threshold for bullshit has waxed and waned as I've gotten older, I've found that, yes patience is a virtue and it will be rewarded, but you know old habits die hard.

Things that I have no patience for:

Standing behind old ladies at the supermarket or bank.
Long voicemail messages.
Standing in line in general.
People who ask questions about the menu at a fast food restaurant. Really? It's all crap and it all tastes the same and I only get 30 minutes for lunch, so make a farking decision or bring a damn sandwich.
Any songs over 3 minutes or that has more than 3 guitar solos.
Getting stuck in the right lane at a red light behind someone who is not turning right. Fark you!
People who come to work sick. Your incessant coughing or sniffling makes me stabby.
Wet markets...especially those women who butt in front of you to ask if those cucumbers are locally grown and then proceed to have a 30 minute conversation about their coming-to-Jesus moment with the seller. Die in a fire, will you??

What tries YOUR patience?

Faded Friendships

There is a common perception that when a tragedy of sorts hits, we discover who our real friends are. Unmet expectations from close ones can shatter us while new friends emerge to support us and become our lifeline, diffusing much of our angst and fears. But once we have overcome that life-changing event, and our lives are on the mend, it is not uncommon for those friendships to fade, and consciously little effort is made to restore them.

It’s not that we are ungrateful or selfish. We often hold them in high esteem and always remember them for their kindness. But in essence, they serve as a reminder of a time best forgotten. They may have seen us at our worst and know our deepest vulnerabilities. Although they have played an active and key role in supporting us, we no longer wish to be reminded of those times.

These friendships wane. And we knowingly let go of them as we have let go of those turbulent times. More often than not, we remember them with wistful nostalgia yet we know beyond doubt that we were responsible for the denouncement.

I could cite examples of renowned people who have lived through it, relationships that have survived serious illnesses to see a person into recovery yet the glue that held them together has loosened and come undone. It is ubiquitous to life if we take an honest and examining look around.

I have relinquished such a friendship for similar reasons. I could unconvincingly say that our interests had diverged but I know that she will always be a reminder of a time I must file in the archives in order to live a brighter present.

Yet despite my valid reasons, it leaves me with a little sadness.

Have you been in a friendship that you have let fade away because it triggers memories of a past best forgotten? Have you relinquished a relationship (or potential one) because the person may have seen you at your worst?

My Fave Pastime - Not!

For a woman with a penchant for pretty things, I am often told that I do my fair sex a major disservice. I have an intense dislike of one of my gender’s favourite pastimes: shopping. When I shop, I am looking to buy specific items. I do not window-shop. I target the stores that sell what I want and if something pleases my eye, I try on and buy. In other words, I shop like a man.

And when I occasionally partake in this onerous task, and I do need to be in the right mood, I do not wish to be subjected to the sales assistants’ inane banter in the pursuit of dollars, when a simple hello would suffice.

“And how are you today?”
I’ve had a day from hell dealing with a colleague’s ego, and a client's meeting ran for over two hours… Do you really want to know about my day?

“Looking for anything particular?”
Yes, wasting your time. Stop trying to make yourself busy in front of the boss.

“What’s the weather like outside?”
Glorious. Sunny. Warm. You’re missing out.

“This [item] suits you.”
Not when it’s creasing here and here, and gaping here.

“I always have to take the hem up too.”
Don’t really give a crap about you. I’m the one with the VISA card.

This weekend, after an unusually successful shopping spree, and feeling just a tad pleased with my purchases, I stopped at the lingerie section of a department store. The sales assistant noticed the number of bags I was carrying and decided I would be a good a target for mindless chatter.

“Shopping for something special?”
Yeah, something for a night of wild sex and debauchery.
“Not really,” I replied.
“You’ve done well today,” she said pointing to my purchases. “Any special occasion?”
None of your goddamn business.
“Spending money.”

I stepped aside to the adjoining display rack and watched her as she sought her next victim. The woman was carrying a number of shopping bags from various stores, so the same scenario replayed.

“Any special occasion?” she blabbered. “Finally got yourself out of the house, and the kids are away with their friends?”

I watched the look of horror on the woman’s face. She was barely of an age to have “kids away with friends” nor did she look the housebound type. She gave the sales assistant the evil eye and turned on her heel. I did the same, and pitied the next young woman with a little extra weight around the middle for she’d be shown the maternity section.

In the interests of shopper mental health and better credit card swiping, I suggest a simple solution. Shoppers should be given a free remote control, one that comes with multiple options, including a freeze and a mute button to silence the annoying and often invasive gibberish some sales staff dish out in the name of “looking busy” or making a sale. I, for one, would not leave home without it.

After all, I did say I shop like a man.

The Hours in A Day.

Sometimes I just don't know where time goes. At least, maybe I am forcing myself to lose all sense of time or maybe I just don't know where it goes.

It's never the big things that take up most of your time, but always the small things. Cooking, cleaning, feeding the pets, calculating the bills, watering the plants, buying groceries, the list goes on really. Next thing you know it, the sky's starting to darken and you wonder where the day went. With all that about, you'd think people stop wondering why I don't like to sleep.

It just wastes valuable time.

To keep myself company and give myself some break form the solitude, I've allowed myself some measure of hallucinations and at least giving myself someone to talk to, even if I know it's all in my head. It's not that I don't appreciate my relatives suddenly becoming concerned somewhat, but like always, there is a time and place when I need company. Calling me in the middle of me doing things does not at all make my life any easier. And since people are never around when I would like them to be, talking to the voices in my head is my only form of socialising thus far.

Sad, pathetic and most of all dangerous. At least I know it's all in my head, but I'm walking that fine line between sanity and something darker. I told you there was a price to dealing with all this by myself, I can only hope I don't cross that line in the near future.

Otherwise I'd really be in trouble. That's usually never a good thing.

A Vodka For Your Thoughts, Please?

1. Some thoughts are best not spoken, but ensuring they’re quietly understood can be an art form.

2. While some things clearly belong in the past, memories continue to live, becoming part of the present, and the future’s past.

3. Those who are drawn to popularity for popularity’s sake fail to see the essence of what’s beneath it.

4. Music stirs the cauldron of emotion while lyrics feed the soul.

5. When I peer through the contemplative glass and see my reflection, I invariably want it to sparkle as if I’m looking through a Martini glass.

Deja Whoa?

Ever had an odd feeling, not quite a déjà vu, as if something has happened but you know it didn’t, or it may have been a dream but you’re not certain, or an innocent conversation that may have triggered archived feelings, which leaves you feeling a little dazed the next day, wistful, trying to recapture something that you know never quite existed?

Then you realise that deep deep down, you still… want it.

The Road Ahead.

In recent years, among other words of wisdom, I've always been living by this single motto.

"May you never grow old, but always grow up"

It was an impromptu lesson that someone once taught me a while back, proving that there is no shame in redefining what it means to be an adult, just as long as you do the right things at the right time. It was a lesson I take to heart and still is one that I will never forget.

If anything, I have largely forgotten the days when we were all young and carefree. Days where I would definitely want to forget in spite of the impact that drove me to become the person I am now. While I've taken those experiences to heart and made someone out of myself, it would seem that some aspects of my childhood and youth never grew out of their time.

So they make it their point to give me a hard time.

The irony is, I've never paid any attention to it. If it wasn't for my increased restlessness for the past few weeks, I wouldn't have known that there are people that so "fondly" remember my days as a youth.

To why people want to reminisce those days, I don't know. I have to admit, nostalgia for me at least, is another way of saying that what you have right here and now is never as good as what you had before. To always look back at those moments, to try and relive them at the very least, shows a lot that's missing from the life you have now. It shouldn't be the case.

Life, shouldn't stop at a certain point in time. Sure there are bad moments as so many people including myself can testify to, but eventually, when you put it all together, what you have now should be monumentally better than the life you had then. It's isn't just about a simpler time or a more carefree life, it's about the things you put into creating and the rewards that you reaped on your own terms.

You can't truly appreciate the beauty of your own life, until you've come face to face with the ugliness of it.

I couldn't have asked for more. Hell, I don't think I ever imagined more. Yet here I am, fighting desperately to make things work for a future I'm uncertain will turn out the way I want it to. If you asked me whether I'm happy with my life right now, I can tell you that I'm not.

But I'm contented with the intricate nature of all that surrounds me and that is more than I can say for the people I know that still live in that past, unable to move on from a time when life probably made the most sense to them.

Regardless of how chaotic my emotions are, I like where I am. I like the here and now and I maybe I would like what lies ahead. But the past will always be where it should, in a distant memory that serves not as a yardstick to measure up to, but a point to see how far you've gone.

I know I've come a long long way. It's just sad to see that some of the people I know haven't moved an inch at all.