The Curve

Well are we all being judged on the curve? I am not sure. I know that if you make a mistake, you are more likely to be remembered for that instead of being seen for what you have done right.

When did our culture become so counter productive? Do you believe the fear of not having is driving us to isolate ourselves further into our electronics and specific fields of observation/recognition/expertise, forgetting that we are here and now with each other? And that the true purpose is in the interacting with each other?

I have recently had the privilege to interact with three unique types of people on a more intimate level. They all three are so completely different. One speaks only through his work. Thats what he wants to be seen for. One speaks only on an intimate level, believe that is the only true interaction, the other allows the world to be as it is and accepts what is offered up as it comes. Of all three? The last one is the only one that I see smiling more.

I feel blessed that I can interact with a lot of different types of people and be present in the knowing of their "worlds". None of us are wrong or right. We just are.

Who'd you be now then? { cheesy grin }

Mr Max

Taken with the new Sony Ericsson phone. Nifty!

TGIF .. Summer Holiday

For my upcoming holiday. *claps hands in glee*

Melancholy

Sometimes when you meet someone new and start having conversations there is a connection on a deeper level. But there is always two sides in life (ying/yang). So its longevity is based on the interests of both. You are bound by their limitations, resistances and history. They only open as much as they allow themselves. And life goes on in and around this tornado.

Not sure why the world works in these ways, nor am I unhappy about it. You find people that fit a particular situation, you connect for the brief time its meant to be a connection. Then once its light dies, you walk off in hopes of finding a similar situation. One that lasts a bit longer than the previous one. One that feels like you are at home. One that you know will bring around a smile each time you hear their name. And hopefully they will remain true to being a friend. Remain constant to being available even when you are bitchy and uptight.

I, too, am only human and with my own limitations. I know recently I have let someone down but not without giving it a good try to see if I could “just be friends”. I found myself becoming intolerant of a condition that this person consistently overlooks. And instead of being an adult and saying it in a mature fashion, I reacted. I think it was supposed to happen that way. The only way I could get out without making a big scene.

I hope I find a someone to share my heart. I have found someone that I like, makes me feel comfortable, without any major drama. A different feeling than I have felt with any other man. But in all honesty? I see it as just a stepping stone to the next meeting. Again. And isn’t that what all experiences are in life? I am getting weary of all the traveling, heart wise. My heart is heavy with scars. It is wrongly conditioned to be distrustful. And too naive for its own good even after all its experiences.

Am I in the wrong to keep buying the hope and dream of having a life long friend? Or am I just being tested over and over until I am ready? Or is this some kind of payback from a previous life? I sure hope my friend will always be my friend. But recently someone I thought was a friend left me. Abandoned me. Someone I thought would always be there for me. A deep bleeding gash is there. And will be for some time. I can’t forget him. But I wont cry anymore over it. Unless it's late and I come across something we shared and I am tired. And feeling lonely.

Thank you supreme being for feelings. Even though I know that sometimes they cause me the most excruciating pain I have ever known; it has also provided the most generous of joys. Nothing is perfect which is just fine by me. Where are you friend? I miss you. Find me. Lets finally smile and sing in the between everything else.

Still Learning

It doesn’t seem to matter how old I get. I never learn. It still happens.

Each time, I’m overcome with an almost childish excitement. Unbridled enthusiasm, if you will. Each time, it ends the same way, with so few variations they’re not worth mentioning. Each time, I’m excited, despite the risk I face.

The ache ebbs, and I dive right back in, too quickly, causing the exact same sensation. Makes me pause in the midst of an enjoyable experience, scrunch my face up in concentration, and freeze, ironically, until it passes.

I’m 36, so I’ve been drinking icy drinks and chewing ice cream and popsicles for at least 30 years, and yet still... I get ice cream headaches every freaking time.

Just Because

You Are a Ghost

Mysterious, independent, and often unseen - you always do things your own way. You are introverted, shy, and even a little secretive. People are dying to know you better, but you're a difficult person to know. A lot of your contributions to the world are left invisible and unfelt. Your greatest power: Blending in really well Your greatest weakness: Being too passive You play well with: Witches

What Kind of Monster Are You?

TGIF (my theme song, if I ever had one or two or three, hmm or maybe even four, five...)

Sting "Inside"
Love me like a baby, love me like an only child
Love me like an ocean; love me like a mother mild
Love me like a father, love me like a prodigal son
Love me like a sister, love me like the world has just begun
Love me like a prodigy, love me like an idiot boy,
Love me like an innocent, love me like your favorite toy
Love me like a virgin, love me like a courtesan,
Love me like a sinner, love me like a dying man."


Good Charlotte "Hold On"
Hold on if you feel like letting go. Hold on it gets better than you know. Don’t stop looking you’re one step closer. Don’t stop searching. It’s not over. Hold on…

Beatles "Long & Winding Road"
The long and winding road that leads to your door will never disappear. I’ve seen that road before. It always leads me here. Lead me to your door…

R.E.M. "At My Most Beautiful"
I read bad poetry, Into your machine. I save your messages, Just to hear your voice. You always listen carefully, To awkward rhymes, You always say your name, Like I wouldn’t know it’s you, At your most beautiful

John Mayer "Comfortable”
She thinks I can’t see the smile that she’s fakin’, Poses for pictures that aren’t bein’ taken. I loved you, gray sweatpants, no makeup, so perfect. Our love was comfortable and so broken in. She’s perfect, so flawless. I’m not impressed. I want you back.

Coldplay "The Scientist"
Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry, You don't know how lovely you are, Tell you I set you apart, Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions, Oh lets go back to the start. Running in circles, coming up tails, Heads on a silence apart.

I just shoved an entire...

…chocolate bar (Mars bar if anyone cares) in my mouth. I’m beginning to regret it just a little, because I have nothing to drink and the caramel is sticking to the roof of my mouth.

[cough]