Richard St John's 8 secrets to success.

The Choices that People Make.

What makes people choose the paths they walk? What is it that makes anyone decide which way to take in a fork in the road? What makes someone turn right when clearly they were signalling left? The human mind is a complex thing. We spend the rest of our lives believing that we have a choice, never knowing or understanding the reason behind the choices we make.

In that ignorance…we are forced to walk the path we are already walking without any way of turning back…anyway of true choice. That is the illusion in which we all thread upon. Ignorance in the belief we can make a choice. We see it everyday. People trapped in the concequence that they created. From the tasks we do, to the love we give, to the life we choose.

We couldn't possibly make a choice at that moment because the options are already closed. We're only living out the concequence of something we probably decided a long time ago. Once the choice has been made, then we can only wait for it to be played out…not immediately…but in time the full extent of those actions will be revealed. That's why the choices we make are illusions. That's why we spend our lives saying we have no choice.
We've already made our choice a long time ago. Now we're just playing it as it is supposed to be played. Anything else are just extras.

Why do we always take the road that ends in death? When we have a choice to shape our will as long as we draw breath.

Back To 1..

After a weekend of a well earned and deserved break, I'm back. Now to pick up on where I left off…

I realize now that I actually work to earn what I want to get in life, as it always should be. A step down from the more noble responsibilities of duty, but if we don't enjoy the fruits of our labor as it goes, won't we regret it when it's too late to take back what we deserved?

Seeing that the camera, the headphones and a new PC have been scratched off my list of things to buy. Next up on list it to replace the obsolete phone that I have. Something with RSS receiving capabilities sounds just about right. Anyone care to recommend me a phone for it?

When your partner appears in your relatives picture scrapbook in which is updated from time to time, rest assured you don't have to worry about them being accepted into the family because they already are.

I need to go on a diet. 3 months worth of food that you usually don't eat in one sitting really takes its toll.

It's time to brush up the old new years' resolutions. Clean on the ones I didn't finish and reinforce the ones that need to keep up. After all, there aren't any disappointments when you built on yourself expectations that can't be reached in just one year.

Last but not least, it's here. So sit back and wait for the show to start.

The Garbage Truck Theory.

Beware of Garbage Trucks
By David J. Pollay

How often do you let other people's nonsense change your mood? Do you let a bad driver, rude waiter, curt boss, or an insensitive colleague ruin your day? Unless you're a robot, you are bound to blow your top off. However, the mark of a sucessful person is how quickly he or she can get back his or her focus on what's important.

Sixteen years ago, I learned this lesson. I learn it in the back of a New York City taxi cab. Here's what happened.

I hopped in a taxi, and we took off for Grand Central Station. We were driving in the right lane when, all of a sudden, a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car's back end by just inches!

The driver of the other car, the guy who almost caused a big accident, whipped his head around and he started yelling bad words at us.

My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean he was really friendly. So, I said, 'Why did you do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!'

And this is when my taxi driver told me what I now called, 'The Law of the Garbage Truck'.

Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it. If they happen to dump it on you, don't take it personally.

You just smile, wave, wish them well, and moved on. You'll be happier if you did that rather than fight them.

So this was it: 'The Law of the Garbage Truck'.

I started thinking, how often do I let garbage trucks run right over me? And how often do I take their garbage and spread it to other people: at work, at home, on the street? It was that day I said, 'I'm not going to do it anymore.' I see garbage trucks everywhere and everyday. I see the load they're carrying. I see them coming to drop it off. And like my taxi driver, I don't make it a personal thing; I just smile, wave, wish them well, and I move on.

Good leaders know they have to be ready for their next meeting. Good parents know they have to welcome their kids home from school with hugs and kisses. Teachers and parents know that they have to be fully present and at their best for the people they care about.

The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. What about you? What would happen in your life, starting today, if you let more garbage trucks pass you by?

Here's my bet. You'll be happier.

So ... love the people who treat you right.
Forget about the ones who don't.
Believe that every thing happens for a reason.
If you get a chance, TAKE IT!
If it changes your life, LET IT!
Nobody said it would be easy ....
They just promised it would be WORTH IT

Cheers!

'Life is short. Enjoy the journey.'

Today's Quote.

A quoi bon soulever des montagnes quand il est si simple de passer par-dessus?

Why move mountains when you can simply go over them? ~Boris Vian

Dreaming...

I’ve recently realized that what I want out of life is fairly simple:

* To live in a city I adore.
* To believe my career has meaning.
* To have good friends and great conversations.
* To fall in love… eventually.

Until then… “It’s the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting!” (The Alchemist – Paulo Coelho)

A Little bit on Friendship.

I remember watching Seinfeld, and not being able to stand Kramer. He seemed to ruin so much of what his friends were doing, like hiring cigar rollers to roll crêpes, only to have them explode in the faces of customers, somehow causing George’s girlfriend to break up with him.

It always made me wonder why Jerry would never break off his friendship with him, why Jerry would always put up with someone who never seemed to give as much pleasure as the amount of strife he created.

I find the situation to be so common. I suppose that I’m constantly re-evaluating my relationships, and that as soon as a limit is reached, I have no interest in continuing the relationship. It’s probably the reason why I get over my break-ups so quickly, if not the idea of the situation, than the comfort. The fact that I’ve always been the breaker probably helps too.

I spoke with G about it, and he explained to me very well that to Jerry, the friendship was worth it. I now understand that people see their friendships in a different manner, and that what I wouldn’t put up with may just be a simple matter to others.

Sometimes I wish that I didn’t see everything so day-to-day. However, by constantly re-evaluating my relationships, I not only clearly see the problems with bad ones, but I am able to appreciate the ones that are good as well.

An idea that has become common in my beliefs is that I should live as a demanding person, but I should give as much as I get. Perhaps that’s why I stop being friends with certain people, whereas others I would die for. I would prefer to live with a few close friends, as opposed to a plethora of acquaintances. Sometimes it still confuses me though, how people can put up with what I can only see as a terrible flaw.

There’s a fine line between knowing when to be selfish, and knowing when to be kind to others, even if kindness means sacrifice.

Imbalance.

I think Max may be interested in having another cat around the house. I’ve been playing some cat sounds, and no matter where he is in the apartment, he’ll coming running into my room. A second cat is something I only started to consider recently. Last year it felt as if I wouldn’t be able to handle the chores, let alone doubling the annual veterinarian bill. Sometimes he seems lonely though, like when he immediately starts to cry when I walk in the door after a day of work, his protesting only being soothed after picking him up, and being replaced by a low purr. I’ve always seen myself as a one cat person; I think I’d feel a little imbalanced if I had more than one. If I do decide to get one, it will definitely be after I start making more money, and possibly after I can purchase a bigger apartment. It would be more for Max than for me though. I can’t imagine finding another cat that is as well-adapted as he is, so the idea scares me a little.

One time I discussed with G whether he would ever consider getting two dogs. He said that he couldn’t, not just because it would be much harder to handle, but because he would feel more favourable to one or the other.

The idea of favour is one that I haven’t been able to understand. How can parents love all their kids without liking one more than the other, especially when one follows the desires of the parents more closely. It might be something I don’t understand, growing up as an only child. If such a balance is possible, wouldn’t polygamous relationships work as well? I think part of the misunderstanding stems from my confusion of relational love and parental love as well.

For love is the root of my imbalance.

Relationships Are Not Meant to Make you Happy.

People often turn relationships into complicated dramas. I'm not usually talking about the kind of events that spice things up for both people either, I'm talking about the dramas that often signal trouble in paradise. It's something that I have always failed to understand how people can so myopic towards what they have in front of them, until I realised that what I sought for in a relationship, isn't entirely the same as what other people look for in theirs.

Sometimes I forget that people in general have an almost insatiable need to distract themselves and run away from the things that matter, especially when what matters can scare the living daylights out of them. It's not something that can be blamed on people's choices either. After all, it's hard to ignore that people are emotional creatures and we put a lot of stock into what we feel into the choices that we make, and no choice more emotionally invested than one bonded by love.

I used to think that, when you find a person that you love, that you're willing to open up to and devote yourself to, that you do so because you're happy to be where you are. This sentiment is of course shared by everyone looking to find or are in a relationship. Over time though, I began to realise that happiness is such a fleeting emotion. You're happy to be somewhere in your life for once, then you realise that happiness isn't enough. You can't pay the bills with it, or put a roof over your head, or put clothes over your back with it. As much as you can be happy in a relationship, you will have to face the certain reality that you will go to tough times and they are never happy moments.

Maybe that's where a lot of relationships go wrong in life. People grow up with the idea that in finding the one you love, you'll find happiness that will last you a lifetime. It doesn't help that Hollywood tends to churn out stories that make people believe that love is happiness and happiness can be forever, but most people look into a relationship, the question that burns through their minds will always be "Can I find happiness here?", and when they get into the first spot of unhappiness, they begin to run away, trying to find something else, even another relationship that can keep them smiling in the face of a reality that they hate. People are unhappy when they find that relationships don't bring them the happiness they want. Then again, they are not supposed to.

Relationships are not meant to make you happy. They are meant to make you complete. Your happiness, is still your own responsibility to bear.

Relationships are meant to give you the parts that you can never have on your own. If you're going to be new-age about it, it's about finding the yin to your yang. That completeness, whether it be built over the time spent discovering one another, or if you're extremely lucky, find someone who complements you right off the bat, is what makes our world go round. It makes us feel like we're capable of anything, and why shouldn't it be that way? After all, when you know you have someone there to watch over things you cannot handle, when you know that there is so much more to life than you knew by just being yourself, how can you not be capable of anything?

That is what relationships should be about. Not the transient feeling of happiness, but the realisation that two imperfect people can create a beautiful, if not perfect whole. Whether you choose to find happiness from there, is still your choice, but it's not going to be something given to you when you find someone you love. It has always been something you create. Whether you choose to create that happiness with the the person that completes your life, is a responsibility that rests solely on your shoulders.

Random Thoughts on a Lazy Saturday Afternoon.

1. Sometimes, looking back at the past troubles you, not so much because things have changed, but because things still stayed the same and only you have changed.

2. The only thing I fear more than losing the state of mind and forgetting all the experiences that made me who I am, is gaining a condition that would force me to lay off the foods I always loved to eat. I have a dreaded feeling that the latter fear has slowly been creeping up on me.

3. Despite not being usually affected by the concept of age, "teenageer watching" on Orchard Road still does put into perspective how far I've gone and how far I still have to do.

4. Sometimes you have to remind yourself that no matter how much things look up, life always finds a way to kick you where it hurts. It is a lesson I learned well after the 800th time or so, but I always seem to forget it when it matters the most. Such is the nature of optimism and hope.

5. While the limitations to geeking out always involves how much I can afford, it is not without that certain hunger for my desires that I will crawl through broken glass for. After all, sometimes well worth cut flesh to know you got what you wanted all along. Dying happy is always more than a figure of speech.

6. While it's hard for some people to understand why I do the things that I do, it's funny how often they have come to rely on my experience and expertise for the problems they face. Experience and expertise gained from doing the very things that they disagree with.

Unconventional Wisdom

Every once in a while I need to look back on my life and remember life's quotable mottos filled with crazy wisdom that has seen me through the best of times and walked me through the darkest of times. I thought today might be a good day to share with you some of them.

1. If all else fails, stop and take time to drink alcohol, the solution to all of life's problems. The problems won't go away, but you'd be surprised what you can think of after 5 glasses of bourbon.
2. If you're going down anyway, you might as well go down with everything you've got and a whole lot more.
3. The best times of your life are often the ones where you never saw coming. The worst times in your life are often the ones you expected to happen anyway.
4. The best of friendships often starts by answering the question "What can they offer you for as long as possible?"
5. Maturity is knowing you did something stupid in the past. Common sense is knowing you are about to do something stupid now. Wisdom is knowing you are going to do something stupid in the future.

While there are more unconventional wisdom locked up in this head of mine. I'm pretty sure 5 is enough for single sitting. Be sure to use them with care. The thing about crazy wisdom is that while they work in real life, they often carry with them consequences best left for people with a certain sense of eccentricity. Just as well though, after all, sometimes to deal with life, you have to be better than normal.

You just have to be abnormal.

What do I love?

* Planning for my trip to Bangkok to surprise a friend for his birthday.
* On a related note, LOVE the lower prices for airfares.
* Falling madly deeply passionately totally in love...with a new CD!
* Paying all my bills and having a little extra left over. Doesn't happen all
that often but when it does? SWEET!
* Getting an unexpected refund check in the mail
* Wedding invitations in the mail (Receiving them, not sending them)
* Sleeping in
* Making the perfect grilled cheese sandwich
* Lays Kettle Potato chips. Perfectly crisp. Perfectly thin. Perfectly salty.
* Sleeping in my own bed
* Having my own agenda
* Being confident in my choices and going with my gut feeling on said choices
* Sunshiny days and rainy weekends
* Getting whatever NHL & NBA playoffs I can find on network TV
* My job...a little bit more, each and every day
* Being invited to a birthday party for a friend whom I've not seen in ages

So, what do you love in your life?

Looking on the bright side...

The economy is in turmoil. There is war in the world, no one has cured cancer and baby polar bears are dying. I’ve developed a strange affection for “Private Practice”, my hair is a mess and if it doesn’t stop raining, I’m going to stomp on Mother Nature. These are trying times,my friends.

Sometimes though, when a Friday shows up, when I finish a good book, when my current favourite song pops up on the radio, when someone holds open a door for me, when I find $10 in my jeans pocket, when I get an unexpected cheque in the mail, I get a feeling of absolute happiness that I usually only experience after 6 mojitos and the loving touch of a wild and hot man in tight jeans. And I am almost overcome with the feeling that everything is going to be okay.

So despite the trying times (or maybe because of them), I hope you find one good thing that makes your day brighter. That one thing that makes you take stock and realize that you hold more aces than you thought had. Because we all could use something to make us happier and we can’t drink that many mojitos all the time.

Have a good week ahead!

Blogged with the Flock Browser

The plan

In no particular order:

* Live life in the moment, drinking in the details, the subtleties, enjoying both the pleasure and the pain for what they bring.
* Never pass up the opportunity to laugh, even my boisterous “obnoxious” laugh, not caring who hears.
* Surround myself with the things I love and do the things I love to do. Don’t waste time stuck with people or in a place that I’m miserable.
* Love openly, with every fiber of my being. Love so much it hurts.
* Not dwelling in the past and wishing back misspoken words or second guessing deeds. I will live without regret so that when I look back at the choices I’ve made, I feel confident knowing I made the best decision to the best of my knowledge.
* Not giving in to guilt trips.
* Never resisting the opportunities to try new things.
* Not being self conscious, letting go of my insecurities. Own my truth and not feel the need to run away from parts of it.
* Love myself and make sure to maintain myself, even if I find it necessary to withdraw from others for a bit to do so.
* Have patience with the ones I love and the way they express their love for me.
* Have no fear for the future but embrace it as the beautiful unknown and the ultimate adventure.
* Not worrying about material things.
* Conduct myself with grace and kindness.
* Embrace the spiritual side of myself, whatever amalgamation it turns out to be.
* Make a conscious decision every day to live with a joie de vivre, and share it by connecting with others.

Calculate your life.

Found this calculator which proposes to predict how old we will live to be based upon a number of personal factors.

Hmmm...
I was surprised because it predicted I would live to be 86.
WTH?
Did I not tell it that I used to smoke?
Yup, I sure did.
Did I not tell it that I drink quite a bit?
Yup, did that too.
Still, it says 86.

It goes on to advise me that I can add 3 months to my life by sleeping two more hours a night. Hmmm, let's 2 hrs a night by 365 nights by 45 years equals 32.850 hours. That equates to about 1369 hours or 57 days. Net profit of time in the end would be about a month...I guess I'll take the early payout, along with the 33 day penalty and enjoy my two hours a day.

It also says that I can add 6 months by giving up all caffeine. Me thinks not...how else am I supposed to function effectively deprived of 6 hours of sleep per night?

Because I want to be free...
because I want to breathe deep those 6 hours a night that I don't sleep...
because I want to savor the full flavor of the caffeine I take in...

He's Just Not Into You...

This post has nothing to do with the book or the movie: I haven't even read the book, nor have I seen the movie, but I'm thinking that could possibly be an oversight on my part...

How many times do we just ignore the signs? They were there all along, but we convince ourselves otherwise. The power of positive thinking, right? If you believe it is so, then it must be…

My friend Jenn is amazing. She’s super friendly, intelligent and caring. I met her when I was a few years ago at a party. She is several years younger than I am, but that never seemed to make a difference. There was this group of about four of us that became very close friends during our week there. I have since lost touch with two of them – one on purpose – and have sporadic communication at best with the third. I have, however, managed to keep in touch with Jenn.

Despite* how wonderful Jenn is, she’s never been overly popular with men. She has some disabilities, and I could tell they made men nervous during the time I spent with her. It’s not right, but stuff like that does happen.

After Jenn finished her undergraduate degree, she decided to go to Law School. It was there that she met B. Good-looking, rich, popular, he was everything Jenn wasn’t.

And she, of course, fell for him.

In turn, he let her “help” him. With a bunch of his papers for school. Granted, when he got things published, he gave her accolades, but that’s currently beside the point. As they went through law school together, she essentially waited for him. And kept on waiting. She’s determined that he’s really in love with her and either doesn’t know it, or isn’t ready to face it yet. And because she believes she’s in love with him, she’s OK with that.

She used to tell me little things that he’d do or say that would make her go completely gaga over him, simple things that any decent male friend would be saying a female friend. At the time, I tried to gently tell her that I wasn’t as convinced that she and B would end up together as she was, but sometimes there is no convincing a woman in love. (Dang rose-colored glasses and all.)

One of the last full-fledged updates I got from her was in January. In it, she told me about how she’d finally stopped going after B, instead deciding that he was going to have to see what he was missing not having her in his life. As someone who was always around and there for him, he never had a chance to miss her or realize how much she meant to him.

I was proud of her decision when I first heard about it. It’s good to move on and this really would tell if B was into her or not. My hunch was still not, but I hoped I was wrong.

Then she told me she was sure her plan was working – all because of an extra hug out of the middle of nowhere one day.**

It’s so easy for me, someone looking at it from the outside, to say “He’s just NOT that into you.” Why, then, is it so hard for her to see it?

Same reason it’s hard for any of us to see it.

Maybe we don’t want to. Maybe we’re just in denial. Why? Because it’s easier to believe that he cares about us than to realize we fell in love with someone who won’t ever return the feeling. Whatever our individual reasons may be, we’ve all been there before. I just don’t want to do it again, because it’s somehow worse every time I do.

I had a male friend tell me one time “If you give a guy your phone number and he never calls, he’s just not interested. It’s that simple.” ***

You're probably rolling your eyes right now, thinking that's almost too simplistic, of course you knew that, but think back to the last time you met a great guy, thought you meshed well, you gave him your number ... and he never called. Yeah, that's what I thought.

It's that simple... and that complicated.

* Or perhaps because of? That’s a whole other topic for a different post though.

** Granted, B isn’t the hugging type from what she’s told me. So maybe for him to come up to her and give her a hug out of the blue really did mean something. I’m just not totally convinced.

*** We were actually talking about a girl in his life, but I thought the advice fit here.

Breathe.

I keep having to remind myself of the need to just breathe.

And just look

and feel

and appreciate

most of the things which need doing will be done

most of them in time

and some of them really don't matter that much after all

and changes at work which have been worrying me will be resolved

one way

or another

and it will be okay

one way

or another

And in the meantime, there is so much in life to enjoy and appreciate

if i can just remember to breathe

and look

and feel

and appreciate.

Excuse Me~

I've been noticing more and more that people lack manners. Forget the thank you card. That's obsolete. Holding the door for someone is few and far between. Saying "thank you" and "excuse me" are probably more common but not as much as is warranted. And you can just forget about eye contact. It's probably not gonna happen.

I have a friend (I use that term loosely) who completely lacks the ability to engage people in conversation. He doesn't ask the person he is talking to questions about themselves. Conversations with him either consist of him going on and on about himself or silence unless you ask prompter questions or resort to going on and on about yourself. Once when we were out to dinner with a couple (a husband and wife, the husband being one of his best friends), he sat directly across from the wife, next to me and kitty-corner from his best friend. I swear he hardly looked at her the entire meal while he went on and on and on. Instead, he looked over at his friend and spoke to him, occasionally looking sideways at me but frankly I didn't care if he looked at me because then he'd see how bored I was. I'd heard all his stories and wasn't particularly amused by them the first time I sat through them. Later, I mentioned to the wife how he never looked at her and she just shrugged saying that's how he is. How he is kinda r-u-d-e.

This guy is also a cheapskate- the worst kind of cheapskate. He'll be sure to mention how much money he's been saving up but then never makes a gesture to pick up the tab. Or he'll invite me out to see a movie but by that he means, you buy your own ticket (even if I have covered his portion enough to warrant at least one frigging movie ticket). His friend, the husband I've mentioned, he's a generous guy and often will pick up the tab when we all go out. I'm always surprised and thankful and I offer to pay my way, the tip or to pick up the dessert/the movie/the drinks depending on what we are doing next. I feel it's proper etiquette to offer (and mean it). What do you think?

And what's your biggest peeve with manners?

Obama-rama Steps up with a Poem

The official Inaugural Poem. A poem commissioned for the inauguration and written and delivered by Elizabeth Alexander, a Yale professor and author of five collections of poetry, including the 2006 Pulitzer Prize finalist, "American Sublime."

Praise song for the day.

Each day we go about our business, walking past each other, catching each others' eyes or not, about to speak or speaking. All about us is noise. All about us is noise and bramble, thorn and din, each one of our ancestors on our tongues. Someone is stitching up a hem, darning a hole in a uniform, patching a tire, repairing the things in need of repair.

Someone is trying to make music somewhere with a pair of wooden spoons on an oil drum with cello, boom box, harmonica, voice.

A woman and her son wait for the bus.

A farmer considers the changing sky; A teacher says, "Take out your pencils. Begin."

We encounter each other in words, words spiny or smooth, whispered or declaimed; words to consider, reconsider.

We cross dirt roads and highways that mark the will of someone and then others who said, "I need to see what's on the other side; I know there's something better down the road."

We need to find a place where we are safe; We walk into that which we cannot yet see.

Say it plain, that many have died for this day. Sing the names of the dead who brought us here, who laid the train tracks, raised the bridges, picked the cotton and the lettuce, built brick by brick the glittering edifices they would then keep clean and work inside of.

Praise song for struggle; praise song for the day. Praise song for every hand-lettered sign; The figuring it out at kitchen tables.

Some live by "Love thy neighbor as thy self."

Others by first do no harm, or take no more than you need.

What if the mightiest word is love, love beyond marital, filial, national. Love that casts a widening pool of light. Love with no need to preempt grievance.

In today's sharp sparkle, this winter air, anything can be made, any sentence begun.

On the brink, on the brim, on the cusp -- praise song for walking forward in that light.

Y is for ....

Year-End Wishlist which is basically my resolutions for 2009. Most New Year’s resolutions share a common theme. Time preference, the principle that people, to varying degrees, tend to prefer satisfaction now over satisfaction later, is at the heart of economic thinking. The typical resolution for the upcoming year, whether it involves dieting, exercising more, being a better neighbor or putting more effort into work, is a promise to oneself to become more patient, to put some enjoyment on hold, to live more for tomorrow rather than today.

Over the years, I've found it really difficult to keep to any of the resolutions. In retrospect, I find that most of the ones that I made and failed to keep were ridiculously ambitious to achieved and somewhat cliched. This time around, the 2009 list is to simply promote self-esteem and to muster up enthusiasm towards an all-encompassing personal aspiration; preserving my sanity.

1. Read 50 books this year.
2. Take up 1 dance class.
3. Attend mass once a month.
4. Learn 1 new language.
5. Run twice a week.