M is for .. Making it worthwhile.

Sometimes it feels like there’s too much to think about, too much to wonder about, too much to understand. It seems like I’ll never be able to catch up with all my thoughts. There are too many things that take me too long to know. Yet I’m still learning, or trying, at least, every day.

I wish I had all the time in the world to figure things out, to become wiser or more intelligent.

It would be worth it.

Leader or Follower?

It's an old question of the day which made me think of my own responses. But before that, I'll put down the definitions for a leader and follower, for my sake and yours so that we understand where we're coming from.

Leader – A person who rules or guides or inspires others.
Follower – A person who accepts the leadership of another.

The common stereotype of a leader is someone who's in charge. Normally someone higher up the hierarchy. Your parents, your boss, some older senior who's picking on you all the time, someone who makes the final decision and tells you what to do. They dictate your role and you're expected to follow making you the stereotypical follower.

The pattern of being a traditional leader or a follower is built over the respect of a social status, the knowledge and ignorance between the leader and the followers and fear of repercussions by the one in charge. At the end of it, this is what most people know and understand because at it's most basic levels, this is all too often true.

But being a leader or a follower doesn't always equate to a how you appear in public. While I still define a leader as someone who makes the final decision, it doesn't necessarily mean that the most public figure displays true leadership. A poster boy can command an audience yes, but if what they say and do aren't actions of their own, then by all means, they aren't leaders.

All too often the illusion of who is in charge is overlooked by the masses who only understand that what you see is what you get. If leadership is based on the one who makes the final decision, then those who work behind the curtains to place, to inspire and to guide the public figures around are the real leaders. To that end, a person can be your boss, but they can never be your superior.

The same can be said for dominant/submissive relationships. To those unfamiliar with the world, it is the submissives who have power over the dominant partner because at the end of it, it is the submissive who ultimately dictate how far they can go. This kind of inverse powerplay is more suited in the world today where the lines are blurred between our roles in society and our understanding of our individual persona.

Now, I can answer the original question because I know I am not a follower. I do whatever I can to dictate the eventual outcome of the life ahead of me. Irrespective of who I bow my head down to, every one I know has their place along my life and every action I take is with a purpose. I know, I will never have the ability to become an actor on the stage, but I do know I have what it takes to be the director and producer behind the scenes. If there is a goal to something, I will produce a storyline towards that end.

So am I a leader? Not if you want to count me as a public figure. But as someone that can orchestrate and execute plans within plans. I know now that I fit that bill. Chances are, I won't be remembered down in history as someone who did something great, but in great people are the small deeds that they do with great passion and commitment. Maybe that's how a leader should be, at least one I aspire to become.

L is for .....Lousy Days Are Here.

I'm sorry."

"That's alright, it happens all the time."

Yes it happens all the time and while I shouldn't be feeling any more down and out than I already am, it's hard not to. There are a lot of things on my shoulder right now and while that usually isn't cause for concern, the lack of finding something to take my mind off things is once again taking its toll on me.

The only optimistic thing here is that I'm so engrossed in my work for most of the day that I hardly find the time to worry about the things that go wrong, instead do whatever I can to compensate for the lack of needful things. It's just that when the sun goes down, I find myself taking my work home with me in an effort to stave off the inevitable sense of isolation and helplessness that's wrapped about me like a cloak. So much so that I have foregone sleep in the attempt not to spend those few moments lying there in bed wishing for someone to walk me through the night.

Is a friend to talk to too much to ask in times of need?

In My Darkest Moments...

It's hard to live each day when you don't know when they will come for you.

It's hard to appreciate each moment when you have to keep watching your own back.

Like a prisoner on death row, the end could come at any time.

I don't want this dream to end, but the inevitable has to come to pass as all dreams have to come to an end.

It's just a matter of whether or not the nightmare will take its place.

The clock is ticking, it always does.

So I Caved In....

People have asked me if I was on Twitter. "No," I would say, "I barely have time to blog let alone twit, or tweet, or twat, or whatever those people are calling it these days."

But ... as you can probably guess, I've finally caved. I only have 12 followers so far, so yes, it's a fairly exclusive club.

I have no idea how it even works or how long I'll be using it before I decide I've had enough, but if you feel like it, join up or sign up or follow me around or whatever you call it. I am asking you this mostly because I don't know if I can keep thinking shit up for 12 people, no matter how awesome and ahead of the curve they are.

Tell your friends. Originally I was thinking your real, live friends and not your Facebook friends, but OK, you can tell your Facebook friends, too.

I should hang a banner up there that says, "Don't Expect Too Much."

I'll try to deliver at least that. Thanks!

Idle Thoughts.

Some days you are your own best friend.
Other days you can be your worst enemy.
Then there are the days in between.

87 Drafts.

I've got 87 posts that I've begun to write, but for some reason or another, never got around to finishing it. I gave them a quick scan and came to the conclusion that they are not worth finishing.

It's funny how something I thought worthy of meaning even a few short months ago, is now deemed to be nothing at all in the present moment. Funny how my mind works.

All about context, I suppose. As every day passes, my thoughts change ... what I find important or unimportant changes ... priorities change. Time changes everything even without meaning to. Even over a short period of time.

Life is funny. Hilarious at times ... perplexing for most of it. Completely unpredictable to some extent. I mean not really, but we lead ourselves to believe that it can be. Life isn't unpredictable. It's not completely set in stone, but our every past action has led us to where we are today. So in that sense, we kind of felt the direction we were taking and knew to some extent where we were headed.

Again a post with no meaning, but this won't go in the drafts. Not all of my thoughts or posts need to be planned out. They don't all have to tell a story. They can be haphazard. Right? Well, it's my blog so the answer to the question would be one that agrees.

Am I making sense? It's okay. Not everything has to make sense all the time.

Judging Senorita.

There are people on this planet who get an idea and work hard to realise it. Others sit on the fence and ponder. Some weigh up options then make informed decisions. Others talk themselves out of a venture due to the fear of losing a comfort zone.

Out of these shooting stars, some get to accomplish their dreams, others who don’t get to revel in success remain undefeated and possibly try again.

When an astute person takes an adventurous step into the unknown, inevitably they ruffle others’ feathers. Other people’s reactions to their ventures are varied, yet they invariably express them in context of either biasness and diffidence.

There are the naysayers, the I-thought-of-it-before (yet didn’t do it), the la-la-la singers with palms firmly over perky ears, the wise monkey emulators with eyes shut but curiously peeking through gaps in their fingers; it's a pity some do not know how to speak no evil. All act according to personal gain and hidden agendas, eventually passing a judgement that feeds their purpose.

What shines across the galaxy like the Evening Star after sunset are the heartfelt and the genuine, the stellar individuals who may or may not covet others yet wholeheartedly (and without prejudice) support them in their endeavours.

They are as easy to spot with the naked eye as a full moon in a starless sky.