Coming around.

Sometimes in life, there has to be an unsaid rule that the things we expect the least are the things that define us the most. Even if you stayed true to it everyday, expecting something to happen, sometimes we just commit to it, never expecting that one day, the things we tried so hard to accomplish will come true.

I don't know if it was the title next to my name, or the message on my status, or the time of the day, or that he was bored to begin with. It's in times like these, I don't really care for the reasons at all because there is nothing to care about save for the exact moment that it happened.

For the first time in over a year, the ex, the soulmate, the one that got away, the guy that will always be a part of me, started to talk back.

For better or for worse, no matter how short a conversation, that always brightens up an otherwise depressing weekend.

Birthday Wisdom.

Birthdays are interesting things. A time to take stock, sift through events from the past and look to the promise of the future. A time to make plans, throw away what hasn't been working in favor of brighter horizons, better opportunities.

Birthdays are also a time for tough love. Or perhaps they are merely a time of tough love for me. Especially this year. Having just left a '7' year behind me, and moved onto an '8', I'm pensive.

I've heard that seven-aged years, (17, 27, 37, etc.), are meant to be psychically super-charged. Events undertaken during these years are auspicious and the seeds planted destined to grow to greatness. But what of the years that precede or follow '7' years. Do they get bumpkus? Are they destined to be incrementally wonderful, or...?

I'm not a kid anymore, but then again, I don't really feel old either. It's strange. When I was younger, I yearned, as many teenagers do, to be 'older'. To be an adult...a woman. Then as I achieved all of these things, I found I felt no different, no older. I'm not sure I could ever really verbalize what I expected being 25 or 32 to feel or look like; I sort-of figured it would be a case of 'I'll recognize it when I see it' sort of situation. The problem with this logic is...I don't. I never have. I've stumbled through many situations, convinced X = X, only then with time and distance to realize that, X wasn't X at all. It was really Y, and it meant Z.

I guess I could undeniably say that at 38 years old, I have achieved 'older'. I am older now. It's official. Whether I feel that way, or look that way or even act that way, I am older. And it changes things. It changes my perception of other people and of what I want. It changes my perception of what I think I can get or even should hope for...and it changes my perception of where I think I will be in the future. And I don't like it. So much time is given to disecting the single woman's life. Is she too picky? Is she a slut? Is she expecting too much? Does she try too hard? I'm sure married folk and those in long-term relationships bear their own excruciatingly annoying burdens - burdens given to them by society and well-meaning types who only want the best for them, but it's exhausting. I find I can't defend my reasons for not wanting to go out every night or make myself painfully 'available' at single's events. I've never enjoyed such things and as I get older, their appeal is markedly less.

The truth is, I never anticipated being alone at 38. And now that I have this reality, I don't quite know what to do with it. I can't be the girl who wants to go out every weekend, yet I don't want to make myself a fossil on the shelf either. There's not much space in society for women my age, it seems. We are either desperate to be married, or cougars. Old maids who are of no consequence, or has-beens who were too picky.

I'm neither a cougar, nor desperate. Yet I do want to find a man with whom I can have a lasting relationship, and feel he is my equal both in spirit and expectation. Am I failing myself? Am I the one who is, truly, throwing marbles under her own feet? Like I said, sometimes X doesn't equal X. It's curious, this getting older. I don't know what the future holds for me, it's true. I certainly could not have predicted last year, or even the past 6 months. Nor would I change them. But given my druthers, I don't know if I'd have kept convincing myself that X = X after all.

30 Things To Do Today.

Sometimes the biggest and most charitable things in life doesn't have to be a something you spend years accomplishing. Here's a challenge for you if you dare! Can you change the world in 30 seconds? I don't know if I can, but being through the things we've been through, I think I have an idea.

The upside to this is that all you have to do are 30 things that take 30 seconds each to do that you think will change the world. Here is my list:

Sincerely smile at a person you hate the most.
Publicly apologise for any mistakes you made no matter how small they are.
Forgive the people who wronged you in the past.
Help the elderly or handicap cross the road.
Tell someone how much they mean to you.
Tell your friends you care for them.
Tell the person you love that you love them even if they don't know.
Say "Bless You" when someone sneezes.
Make a promise you know you can keep.
Listen to people.
Say witty one liners that make perfect sense.
Engage in idle talk with the cashier at the supermarket.
Say Grace out loud before eating.
Give a sincere compliment to a friend.
Give money to a person on a street.
Stop and listen to street musicians.
Refill the coffee pot if you're the last person to drink coffee.
Put recyclable junk in their appropiate places.
Put the toilet seat down after use.
Use a breath mint.
Plant a tree.
Switch off the lights in a room you're not using.
Always let someone else take the seat during rush hour.
Put on a condom.
Ask someone how they are doing.
Talk to God.
Say thank you whenever you recieve anything.
Message a friend you haven't talked to in a long time and ask them out for a drink
Sign up for organ donation.
Laugh.

So…who else is up for the challenge?

Delight.

someone told me some time ago, that when a delightful one leaves she takes the light with her.

i was enchanted by that sentiment – how wonderfully loving and sensitive!

…then after some time had passed, i wondered if delight still hung on that someone’s mind like a be-dewed ray of sunshine, or had that someone gotten used to how life was, way before delight came and, and - perhaps forgotten who delight was, what she is.

have you forgotten about delight, my world-weary citizen?

delight hasn’t forgotten about you.

The Garbage Truck Theory.

Beware of Garbage Trucks
By David J. Pollay

How often do you let other people's nonsense change your mood? Do you let a bad driver, rude waiter, curt boss, or an insensitive colleague ruin your day? Unless you're a robot, you are bound to blow your top off. However, the mark of a sucessful person is how quickly he or she can get back his or her focus on what's important.

Sixteen years ago, I learned this lesson. I learn it in the back of a New York City taxi cab. Here's what happened.

I hopped in a taxi, and we took off for Grand Central Station. We were driving in the right lane when, all of a sudden, a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car's back end by just inches!

The driver of the other car, the guy who almost caused a big accident, whipped his head around and he started yelling bad words at us.

My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean he was really friendly. So, I said, 'Why did you do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!'

And this is when my taxi driver told me what I now called, 'The Law of the Garbage Truck'.

Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it. If they happen to dump it on you, don't take it personally.

You just smile, wave, wish them well, and moved on. You'll be happier if you did that rather than fight them.

So this was it: 'The Law of the Garbage Truck'.

I started thinking, how often do I let garbage trucks run right over me? And how often do I take their garbage and spread it to other people: at work, at home, on the street? It was that day I said, 'I'm not going to do it anymore.' I see garbage trucks everywhere and everyday. I see the load they're carrying. I see them coming to drop it off. And like my taxi driver, I don't make it a personal thing; I just smile, wave, wish them well, and I move on.

Good leaders know they have to be ready for their next meeting. Good parents know they have to welcome their kids home from school with hugs and kisses. Teachers and parents know that they have to be fully present and at their best for the people they care about.

The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. What about you? What would happen in your life, starting today, if you let more garbage trucks pass you by?

Here's my bet. You'll be happier.

So ... love the people who treat you right.
Forget about the ones who don't.
Believe that every thing happens for a reason.
If you get a chance, TAKE IT!
If it changes your life, LET IT!
Nobody said it would be easy ....
They just promised it would be WORTH IT

Cheers!

'Life is short. Enjoy the journey.'

For The Love of Words.

Words I Like
Fall – as in the season, what some people refer to as autumn
Autumnal – the adjective of what the rest of us refer to as fall
Vitriol – because it sounds as strong as what it means
Sentiments – doesn't it have such a romantic flair
Arse – I love pronouncing it, writing it, grabbing it…
Gorgeous – need I explain?

Words I Dislike
Toe/toes – bleeeeeah, and not just because I dislike feet..
Baby – call me ‘baby’ and I’ll rip your balls off!
Ma’am – I''m not 100+ years old.
Connoisseur - an English word with Latin origins that sounds French but appears bastardised by having an oi instead of ai.
Incredulous – sounds a bit overly dramatic.
Awesome – a highly overused word on its own, even I'm guilty of that at times.

Words That Make Me Giggle
Bollocks – when said as an interjection, perfect with a British accent.
Ass – as pronounced by North Americans as Opposed to the word ‘arse’
Bosom – which goes hand in hand with heaving. The image that conjures in my mind....
Brouhaha – try saying it without laughing
Z – when pronounced Zee by North Americans as opposed to Zed for the rest of us.

At a Loss For Words.

There is a lot I want to say at times, nothing that I can articulate into sentences, just a whirlpool of thoughts and emotions in my head that need to be diffused or released. It could well be the lack of restful sleep of late, or the unusual dreams that wake me up with a ‘what the…’ feeling or that occasional pounding heart rate at 2 am that refuses to calm down.

There is a lot that can be said to maintaining a certain standard in a blog, going through archives, classifying and sorting through emotions. It’s not an exercise in creative writing, but a stocktake of emotions over a period of time.

There are many occasions when I just want to let it out and speak to a particular person or two, without self-restraint, without concern for their feelings or interpretation, without carefully weighing each word so they don’t come back and bite me some time later.

There are days when I just want to say wonderful things to people who make a difference but something within stops me from spontaneously expressing those words. I resort to careful planning and editing, and in the process I lose the powerful words that would in turn make a difference to their day.

There is a lot that I feel and don’t feel. There are moments where the highs are just beautiful and long lasting and the rest is just plain and ordinary sensations, nothing to mull over or be particularly sad.

There is a lot that I wish to say to you, and you, and even you. But I can’t tell you when you can’t hear me, and you’d prefer not to listen, and deep down you really don’t want to know. Because you already know.

There is a lot to say when I’m being incoherent.

Today's Quote.

A quoi bon soulever des montagnes quand il est si simple de passer par-dessus?

Why move mountains when you can simply go over them? ~Boris Vian