Naked Interviewing Techniques and Tips

You have landed an interview, and you’ve decided to go naked.

Congratulations on your bravery!

Assuming, first of all, that this is not a naked job, i.e. a job that actually requires you to be naked, this refreshing approach can give you the edge over the competition. First, a few tips.

Tip #1: Wear shoes.

You must always wear shoes while in interview, particularly for a job interview, and most especially for a naked job interview. It tells people that you mean business. Of course, excellent shoes are better, because they tell the interviewer that you have invested in excellent footwear. Instead of clothes.

Tip #2: Hair up, ladies.

You don’t want to convey boudoir rather than boardroom, so an elegant French twist or other sort of updo is appropriate. Refrain from curling your hair attractively around your face like you’re going to the prom. That is just inappropriate for an interview.

Tip #3: If you’ve got glasses, wear ‘em.

If you wear contacts, ditch them. Stick with glasses. You want to portray a serious sort of look, even though you’re naked. It makes it easier if you’ve got something between you and your interviewer. In fact, if you don’t have glasses, borrow a pair. People always take other people more seriously if they’re wearing glasses.

And now, for some techniques.

Intimidation Technique

Already, your interviewer will be very, very intimidated by the fact that you’re naked. If you’re a girl and a girl is interviewing you, she will be jealous and vaguely admiring of your self-esteem and self-confidence. If you’re a boy and your interviewer is as well, he will admire your cajones. If you are being interviewed by a member of the opposite sex, the same applies. Either way, this will play up to your advantage, so long as you do not seem threatening. Ways to avoid being threatening: smile easily but not too much, do not under any circumstances touch your interviewer, and lean forward slightly when answering a question. Ironically, being relaxed is very intimidating. If you’re naked.

Winning Them Over Technique

If you’re a woman and your legs don’t distract your interviewer, your rack certainly will. If you’re a man, your dangling grapes will leave an impression, without a question. Making funny faces at your interviewer will bring his or her attention back to the matter at hand. And being silly, well, that’s always something you want in your office! Go for it! Naturally, you must choose appropriate moments.

Remember That This Is In No Way Sexual

Do not accept to go out to dinner, a movie, or the back room with your interviewer. You have to make the boundaries very, very clear. You don’t want to confuse the interviewer. Otherwise, you will probably be expected to do your job naked. And nobody wants to see that.

Be Prepared

Do not be surprised if your interviewer does not even get to see your naked self. Security may have already thrown you out before you can tell the secretary that you’re there. It’s best to announce your nakedness ahead of time to interested parties, so that you can actually make it to interview. If you make it sound like you might be kidding, or you might not, that’s really best. It plants the idea and the acceptance will filter in.

Of course, as with any interview, you must remember to research the company, position, and market. Being naked does not mean you have no manners, so remember to say please and thank you, and to hold the door.

Good luck, naked interviewee!*

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*Disclaimer: Allow me to point out, if it is not inherently obvious, that the naked interview is not for the amateur. You cannot expect that you will be nakedly successful unless you have first mastered both basic interviewing and being naked. That said, only experts boasting more than 100 interviews, and 100 instances of staring at themselves naked in the mirror with appreciation, should even attempt these naked interviewing techniques and tips.**

** Also, even if used with great skill and finesse, these tips and techniques could nevertheless quickly get you arrested.