Friday the 13th.

1. My hard work will sometimes go unnoticed and unappreciated, even though a lack of effort would (most likely) definitely get someone’s attention. But although hard work might not get me the accolades I think I deserve, it does eventually pay off. In some form or fashion. It's not it's own reward, but it is worth the occasional afternoon off.

2. If I eat a 5 lb box of chocolate, I’m going to gain a lot more than 5 lbs.

3. If I really must have those cute pointy-toed shoes, I need to buy them one size bigger, or I won’t be wearing them for long.

4. Don’t look at the size on the label of a swimsuit. Better yet, once I get it home, just cut the tag out.

5. The words “you can’t tell anyone this!” are useless. They always tell. And it always comes back to bite you in the ass.

6. If you never take sick leave, no one questions you when you call in on Monday morning with ‘cramps.’

7. There’s a fine line between ‘cute’ drunk and ‘ugly’ drunk. It’s somewhere between the fifth and sixth margarita.

8. Never dance barefooted, no matter how much your feet hurt in those shoes. If you’re party dancing, you can’t shimmy as well in bare feet and no matter how careful you are, someone will step on your toes. If you’re slow dancing, he will step on your toes. If you’re slow dancing naked at home, bare feet are okay.

9. Club soda will NOT remove a red wine stain from a silk blouse, no matter what anyone tells you.

10. It doesn’t matter if *he* will respect you in the morning. The only thing that matters is if YOU will respect YOURSELF in the morning.

11. Wearing my makeup to bed does not mean I’ll wake up ready to go.

12. No matter what, my first thought when the phone rings after midnight will always be, “Please, God, go away.”

13. Duct tape can function as a bra, in an emergency.