Rating 2009.

Home, Bricks and Mortar
It has been the year of change; not much of makeovers but more on cultivating a homey feel -the result is more than cosiness and there will be more to come in 2010.
Score = 4.5/10

Work, Career and Finance
Much uncertainty hung over in '09 and will continue well into '10. This is the time when I need a crystal ball to guide me in a direction. Or tell me I’m just a dreamer.
Score = 5.8/10

Family
I’m ever so grateful for having my mother. Our relationship is improving.
Score = 7.2/10

Health
Bring on 2010 and optimism. Pronto.
Score = 6.5/10

Love, Relationships and Star Signs
There are times when you sunbathe and let the sun warm your soul. Other times you don your gloves, winter coat and long boots, and kick fate in the arse.
Score = 6.8/10

General well-being and feel good factor.
Like swings of the pendulum, they never stay still at one point.
Score = 7.5/10

Friendships and True Colours
A mixed bag emerged in '09. A best friend was exx-ed. A strong friendship shone all year like a bauble at Christmas time. A long-term friendship was rekindled, with equal gusto and enthusiasm from both sides. A beautiful friendship developed and strengthened like the blues of the ocean under sunny skies. One special friendship that I’ve always wanted to keep as a constant has somewhat changed; not for the better or for the worse, just changed.
Score = 6.7/10

Writing
Continuing with this blog after all these years, and another private project that will soon come to fruition, my Muse has kept me busy and inspired.
Score = 9/10

Highlights, Surprises and Disappointments
Two holiday plans didn’t eventuate. It was a year of lull mostly, but it was punctuated by an unexpected visit from distant friends whom I love so dearly.
Score = 5/10

Blogging
Deserves its own score, for having taking me on a full rollercoaster ride and back again to build my own track, one post at a time. Despite some disappointments and not-so-good changes to the medium, endurance is the word.
Score = 5/10

Final Score for 2009:
64/100

So What Happens Next..?

As I have said over and over again, 2009 has seen me constantly obsessing about the future and what is in store for me, despite knowing how useless of an endeavor such worry is.

Well tonight I am having one of those all too rare moments of contentment so I thought I should write about it for posterity’s sake.

Tonight, I am happy. Maybe my life hasn’t taken the path I thought it would, but nonetheless I do believe that I am right where I am meant to be.

In the words of a book that I’ve recently fallen in love with (“The Private Lives of Pippa Lee” — Rebecca Miller) “I’m just … seeing what happens next.”

Christmas Random Shots II

You know you've reached the pinnacle of home cooking when you've been tasked to help with the Christmas dinner for an entire family clan. How can one say no to cooking the roast turkey, lamb, potato dishes and the salads?

There is more to life than keeping record of your daily life, even if it is in short shorts. There is also keeping a recipe book for all the things you love to cook, more so to eat, for the next generation to follow.

You know something is different about you when you're willing to do stupid things first so that the person next to you had to courage to do what she wants to do.

It is an unusual blessing for someone outside of the family to be the bridge between you and your own blood. Not that I'm complaining. I just don't know what to make of it aside from it meaning that it's always a good thing.

It's hard to have "me-times" in a household full of people getting ready for Christmas. The only chances you get are when you run the small errands that lead up to the big day. Nevertheless, any time alone is welcomed, even from the people you love.

Christmas Random Shots I

When will people learn. Senorita is always right. Well…not always right. Well…not almost either. The point really is that I'm right and you can keep standing on the left.

It's not easy being accustomed to so many people after spending almost a year by yourself. It makes you want to find a hole for some solitary "me-time". A wish impossible to fulfill when you have a very large and close extended family.

People tend to be masters of the obvious when they haven't seen you in a long time. I tend to be a master at being annoyed by this sort of mastery.

When the younger generation of your family seems so spoiled and carefree, you have to wonder if their actions are really as they seem or you're just getting a whole lot older.

Sometimes, the simplest thing to say is nothing at all and everything you can think of.

The Ugly Christmas Truth.

I always open Christmas gifts, especially from family or family friends, with a little trepidation. It’s more of an obligation than anything else for many people to give me something, and I’m of the firm belief that if someone isn’t going to like or have use for a gift, one shouldn’t give anything at all. There’s no point to giving someone a stupid present, and it just ends up being worse than if one gets nothing. There are a few exception to this rule, being the thought or effort put into the gift, although there is generally none of either if someone doesn’t like the present anyway. Sometimes it just ends up being the fact that the best intentions are used, but a gift isn’t needed to figure this out.

Of course, I’ve been known as the hardest person to shop for anyway, since I usually buy whatever I want. As soon as an idea is in my head for something I’d like, I’ll research it for a few days and then go out and buy it. It ends up being very rare that I want to get something I don’t have, mainly due to the fact that my interests are fairly simple and affordable.

Food For Thought.

1. If advertising campaigns lead us to believe that beautiful, young tall slender people with shiny coiffed hair and perfect glimmering teeth are desirable then how come there are many unattractive short rotund older less than perfect people in long term happy relationships?

2. And consequently, is the reverse true? Are tall skinny shiny happy young people single and lonely?

3. Do you ever look at people and think that no matter what someone’s size or appearance, they’re still having sex? Then immediately think… ewww?

4. If 50 is the new 40 and 40 is the new 30, why are people having mid life crises in their 20s?

5. Have people become so self-focused that by looking after no 1, friends now have a shelf life with an expiry date?

Christmas Decisions.

I’m a re-gifter and I don’t care who knows it. Some gifts are right for some people, and other gifts are right for others. If someone is thoughtless enough to get me a gift I wouldn’t use, I’m doing them a fucking favour by finding a better person for it. Sometimes, the best gifts are second hand, when one knows that it’s right for oneself, but also knows that it would make someone else even happier.

Hello December!

Another weekend wasted away.

Why does it always seem that I wait until approximately 8pm on Sunday evening before I even start any of my weekend plans?

Guys, it's December. What the hell?! How is it December? How has ANOTHER year gone by? Man, how I hate these stupid open-ended questions!

I am just sometimes overwhelmed at how it feels like the days will never pass, and before I know, it's been months.

As some of you know, it's been a bit of a tough year for me. Kind of emotionally draining. And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't looking forward to this time of the year because I knew that I'd be over the worst of it.

I don't like to talk about it much on here, but this year has kicked me in the ass and forced me to grow up a little and it seems that I've moved into a more spiritual realm of being.( think "ohm" and not to be confused with religious).

I don't let things get to me as much as I used to. I don't take things or comments directed at me as seriously. And if I do, I usually get over it fast. Like, super fast. Faster than Superman flying around the world. Okay, not that fast, but you get the picture.

As much as this year was shitty, I needed it. It's funny how it's always the hard times that make you a stronger person in life. *cliched, I know*

It's only going to get better.

And I know now that if it's not okay, then it's not the end. This is what keeps me going.

Incoherence

There is a lot I want to say at times, nothing that I can articulate into sentences, just a whirlpool of thoughts and emotions in my head that need to be diffused or released. It could well be the lack of restful sleep of late, or the unusual dreams that wake me up with a ‘what the…’ feeling or that occasional pounding heart rate at 2 am that refuses to calm down.

There is a lot that can be said to maintaining a certain standard in a blog, going through archives, classifying and sorting through emotions. It’s not an exercise in creative writing, but a stocktake of emotions over a period of time.

There are many occasions when I just want to let it out and speak to a particular person or two, without self-restraint, without concern for their feelings or interpretation, without carefully weighing each word so they don’t come back and bite me some time later.

There are days when I just want to say wonderful things to people who make a difference but something within stops me from spontaneously expressing those words. I resort to careful planning and editing, and in the process I lose the powerful words that would in turn make a difference to their day.

There is a lot that I feel and don’t feel. There are moments where the highs are just beautiful and long lasting and the rest is just plain and ordinary sensations, nothing to mull over or be particularly sad.

There is a lot that I wish to say to you, and you, and even you. But I can’t tell you when you can’t hear me, and you’d prefer not to listen, and deep down you really don’t want to know. Because you already know.

There is a lot to say when I’m being incoherent.

5 things I love today.

1) Balsamic vinaigrette
2) My kitty, Max
3) Procrastination
4) Water
5) Candlesticks