Distressed Slumber.

This morning I had a dream that involved someone holding an umbrella and every time he touched the tip of the umbrella to the ground, the unpleasant beeping sounds would start up. I tried to ask him to stop doing that; apparently he wasn’t aware of the noise he was responsible for and he ignored my pleas Anyhow by then the jackhammer had been going for a while so I figured if I just stayed soundly asleep, it was bound to stop sooner or later. Of course the noise did not stop; in fact it became more and more persistent and as I started coming to, I realized that the commotion was happening in my own living room, and getting up to look around, ascertained all this was taking place in my apartment and not just in my head. It was an alarm I had previously set on my cellphone. I was not happy. More so than usual that is, because I’m never happy about waking up in the morning for some reason. But this morning I felt like I’d been tricked out of bed so I was more than prepared to rejoin my comfortable sofa just as soon as I turned off the phone alarm. It felt much too early to be up. When I checked, I realized it was close to noontime, so I reeled in the attitude and the foot stomping and decided the whole thing was probably some cosmic joke. It’s a fact I’ve been sleeping too much and it’s also a fact that many many days have been entirely lost to sleep recently.

Away from My Desk

I'm away for a few days; blogging will be on the light side. Cheers.

TGIF...

I rarely remember my dreams when I wake up.

This morning was an exception, I remember a sliver of a dream that I had very early this morning, just before I woke up.

I was with a small group of people in a business-seminar type setting. Someone was leading us through a vision exercise.

I have led and been led through these types of exercises many, many times.

The language used is usually along the lines of,

"Where would you like to be in 2 (5,10 etc.) years? What does it look like?"

"How does that compare to your current reality?"

"What do you need to do to get from here to there?"

The language used in my dream was very different.

In my dream, the facilitator asked, "Tell us about your true reality?"

I was the first to share "When I'm asked this question, I'm often hesitant to answer. I think it's because I'm afraid of what I will have to sacrifice in my current reality in order to achieve my true reality."

The others were very supportive and encouraging about this response.

I continued. Saying with clarity and confidence,

"My purpose for being here is to fully explore and cherish the connections between people."


Let me point out that when I said "my purpose for being here", I wasn't referring to this particular place or event. I was clearly referring to my purpose on this planet. My purpose in this life. In my dream I had no doubts about what I was saying, and I knew exactly what I meant.

Now that I'm awake, I feel there is a message there somewhere, but I'm a little fuzzy on exactly what that is.





Beautiful South - Song for Whoever

Confession # 1

I try to wait until I hear the network printer running before I print my documents. Then, when that person is picking up their paperwork, I yell "Hey, I think you have some of my documents." Then they bring mine to me.
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Some may say I'm lazy. I like to think I'm efficient.

Q is for ...

Quite enough to think about, right?

It's not enough that I don't already have a million thoughts in my head, but sometimes I find a good meme sort of.....relaxing? Fun? Even slightly nostalgic. Here is some random stuff, I suppose.

Just as lengthy as any of my occasional brain dumps, but with a larger variety of useless information. Here it is:

1. My uncle once: showed me a movie about dinosaurs. I was very young (four or five, I think), and at the very end the narrator of the children's documentary opens the curtains of his window to find a Tyrannosaurus Rex peering in, ready to eat him. That night I became convinced that the undeveloped plot of land near my Aunt and Uncle's home were really buried dinosaurs waiting to come alive and devour me in my bed. This began a life long fear of extinct reptiles.

2. Never in my life: Have I ever been an under-achiever. Yet.

3. When I was seven: My best friend and I saw a ghost in school. It was a tall apparition with glowing red eyes, and it looked right at us. Nobody believed us, of course, but I saw it again when I was eleven walking down the hallway to toilet between classes. Just thinking about it gives me the chills, to this day.

4. High school was: Three years of my life which I should have enjoyed more. I was a fairly depressed kid - not unlike most fifteen years olds - but I didn't realize then how lovely it is to be free of real responsibility. I was involved in theater, track and a whole bunch of other social clubs. I had a group of really fun friends but took every second of it for granted because I was convinced that being an adult was where it's at. I was also a terribly lazy student, when I could have very well been the opposite. Oh, precious hindsight...

5. I will never forget: The day my mother called me to tell me that she loved me. Everything I ever thought I understood unravelled at that very moment.

6. Once I met: A woman who was a travel writer. I met her on my trip to Myanmar and five minutes into our conversation, I realized that I very much coveted her life. I had never before thought about combining the two things I enjoy most: travel and writing. Now if only I can figure out how to do it...

7. There’s this girl I know: whom I used to be terribly jealous of. She is well educated, beautiful and is living the life I wish I was living right now (but probably will have to wait another ten years to attain). I know I shouldn't, but next to her I sometimes feel sort like a frumpy dummy.

8. Once, at a bar: I didn't have a drink. It was a phase where I thought I was an alcoholic, but it turns out I just needed a bit of self control.

9. By noon, I’m usually: Getting pretty hungry. Even if I've had breakfast a few hours ago. I just love eating.

10. Once when I was driving my mother's new car on a night out: I thought the engine of my car exploded while I was on way home. It turns out that I had just blown out a tire. I had somehow driven at least ten miles on it before it gave out completely. I had God in the passenger seat for that one!

11. If only I had: A college degree. Oh the places we could go!!

12. Next time I go to church: I will forget the words to the Apostle's Creed and instead run Eddie Murphy's skits though my head. After communion I will say a few prayers of thanks and some for my family and friends, because it's the only part I really care about.

13. What worries me most: are all the hypotheticals. "What if I never make anything of myself?" "What if I never get out of debt?" "What if I die alone?"

14. When I turn my head left I see: My prized dining table that I bought for a thousand dollars.

15. When I turn my head right I see: A collection of CDs that I've accumulated over 15years.

16. You know I’m lying when: ...I am lying to myself. It's pretty obvious, I've been told I am emotionally transparent.

17. What I miss most about the Eighties is: Being a kid. Those long summers, waterskiing at the lakehouse, hanging out with Brian, giggling with Naomi, listening to Gloria Estefan.

18. If I were a character in Shakespeare I’d be: Juliet. I am dramatic and though I wouldn't kill myself over a guy, I always think that I would probably do something equally ridiculous just to prove a point. But I've been told that I am leaning more towards being someone a bit cleverer and more self assured though - perhaps Rosalind from As You Like It.

19. By this time next year: I hope to be fluent in French. No, wait! I will be fluent in French. I will be fluent in French. I will be fluent in French. ...I believe it so it must be true.

20. A better name for me would be: nothing less fitting than Juliet. I think I my name suits me pretty well.

21. I have a hard time understanding: Mandarin. What's with that?

22. If I ever go back to school: I'll only major in something that I am truly, one hundred percent passionate about.

23. You know I like you if: I am still talking to you. I'm a big pushover, though, so you don't have to try too hard.

24. If I ever won an award, the first person I would thank would be: My mother. She's an extremely swell woman, in her own right.

25. Take my advice: Never ever give up on your dreams. I think we all know exactly who we are to become right from the very beginning and doubting that only makes life harder.

26. My ideal breakfast is: Eggs Benedict on Sunday mornings with someone special.

27. A song I love but do not have is: probably some old forties standard, but I can't put my finger on it right now.

28. If you visit my hometown, I suggest you: Eat local, hike across the island and swim in a sea at one in the morning.

29. Why won’t people: Publish my writing?? What's that? I have to finish writing it first?? Ohhhhhhhh....

30. If you spend a night at my house: You will get an amazing cuddle buddy and breakfast in the morning. And we won't even have sex!

31. I’d stop my wedding for: What.....? I don't know what this question is about.

32. The world could do without: George Bush. PERIOD.

33. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: Lay in a bed of maggots. Though both things beg to wonder why I would ever be compelled to do them. I blame this question on stupid shows like Fear Factor.

34. My favourite blonde(s) is/are: Grace Kelly. Rosemary Clooney (before she let herself go). Brigitte Bardot.

35. Paper clips are more useful than: Staples. I never saw MacGyver staple anything.

36. If I do anything well it’s: Dream really, really big. And acquire debt.

37. I can’t help but: think you've probably not gotten all the way down to this question. This is a really long meme.

38. I usually cry: At anything sentimental. I have very sensitive Lacrimal glands. They are especially susceptible to furry newborn kittens, old love letters and romantic goodbyes.

39. My advice to my child/nephew/niece: The only person who can ever make you truly happy is you. Don't waste time trying to get it right for everyone else.

40. And by the way: I have a plane ticket to Bali, and I'll be leaving for a well deserved break next week!

P is for

the best Perspectives in Life.

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere, people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

-Mother Teresa

One for the Road

Though it’s hard to believe because, you know, the sun is just barely beginning to rise, I’m already up and happy about it. Really happy, in fact. On the verge of annoying happy, actually. It’s true, and someone may slap me for it before the day is done.

I don’t have any super secret reason for my happiness today – nothing to reveal. It’s just this morning, before the sun came up, before I really had a chance to think about the rest of the day, before I let myself worry about anything, I went running. And it was good.

A lot of my time spent talking about running is analytical (some may call it complaining). I wonder which part of my life can be improved, what went wrong, why... I contemplate these things to death under the guise of my love for running. However today, during the early morning run, there was no guise.

I’d set out for five kilometres. It’s something I can do comfortably in well under an hour, something I’m comfortable with in the morning. I was surprised how early into the run I felt good. Usually it takes a kilometre or two before I am not making myself run. Usually I need warm up time. This morning the temperature and my mind and my body must have been just right though. It felt, dare I say, easy. And now that I’ve jinxed myself by calling it easy, I might as well seal the deal and say that this was the best run I’ve had in months, possibly this year.

So when people see me later, and I have this air about me as though everything is wonderful and nothing can go wrong, when I look like I’m just seconds away from tossing my hat high above my head because gee, I AM GOING TO MAKE IT AFTER ALL, they’re just going to have to ignore me. I don’t expect anyone to understand how one run makes all the others worth it, how one run makes you remember why you love it. They should just roll their eyes and carry on, because it will be too hard to explain why this is a big deal. It may not happen again and I may forget this feeling tomorrow, but today, just for today, it is enough.

TGIF..

Well, it's been a long week. And I know I made many promises and some of which didn't come through. But then, you have to understand that when things are in a turmoil, promises do get tossed by the wayside.

The things I want to say; to specific people, to no one in general. I want to hop on a plane and fly across the Asia to be there for someone who probably doesn't even need me anymore. I want to go for an interview that says, yes, you're fantastic, and we want to actually give you what you're worth. I want the doctor to be honest when they say, this shouldn't hurt, and just admit that it's going to be worse than anything you can possibly imagine. Most of all I want to say things to him that are swirling around in my head, things that I know that should be better left unsaid. I want to be able to say things, and have him understand like he thinks I don't.And I want it to be real and for it to still be here. And I hate the things I cannot say.

But most of all, I want to say I'm getting there. I'm just taking my time.


Here's Lykke Li with "I'm good, I'm gone".