TGIF.....

This is so cool I just had to post it, I have a song written just for me.
Thanks T, I love it. LUUUUUURRRRVVVEEEE IT!

la la la la la - la la la la la
la la la la la - la la la la la

Kidnap the Christine Koh
Put her in a pod
Tie it up with a lilac bow
With the sweeties and the lot

la la la la la - la la la la la
la la la la la - la la la la la

Oh wait! I've got a better plan... *snigger snigger*

Karma-la:
Should it be just that simple
Just because you like her dimple?
No no of course not!
This will be good, oh holy scott!
pum dee dee pum dee dee pum pum pum

Just-innards:
First we'll need a good blindfold
And lots and lots of cellophane
Might we need to knock her out cold
Smoothen the ride out on the travelplane?
pum dee dee pum dee dee pum pum pum

la la la la la - la la la la la
la la la la la - la la la la la

Kidnap the Christine Koh
Put kachuak in her hair
Shut her in the closet
And see if she gets nightmares

la la la la la - la la la la la
la la la la la - la la la la la

Kachua-king:
To where to where?
Ahah! We shall soon see
Glare glare
Alright alright
A trip across the seven seas!
pum dee dee pum dee dee pum pum pum

Karma-la & Just-innards:
Yippee yippee
A holiday?
May I may we
And with the cuzzie?
pum dee dee pum dee dee pum pum pum

la la la la la - la la la la la
la la la la la - la la la la la

Kidnap the Christine Koh
Haul her off to Bali
Savour all the goodie foodie
To fatten her up for Kali

Kachua-king:
Hold hold pray wait
Stop throwing round your weight!
Pleased to shove off UluWatu
Kita peng-yu mesti bersatu!
pum dee dee pum dee dee pum pum pum

la la la la la - la la la la la
la la la la la - la la la la la

Kidnap the Christine Koh
Put her in a sock
Just sling her off to Morib
And feed her to the crocs

la la la la la - la la la la la
la la la la la - la la la la la

heeee he he he heeeeeeeeeeee he he

Lost

Nothing really motivates me anymore. I feel like I am underwater a lot lately. And, I don't have any clue which way is up. People get in my face and its like I can't see them or hear them.

I hope this phase passes soon. I am feeling a bit lost. And pushed in the wrong directions.

*desperately goes looking for a road map*

Seeing Stars

One evening I was on the sofa where I often lie when I'm tired. From this position I have a direct view through big windows and into the sky. It was a clear evening and as I lie there trying to differentiate which lights were airplanes and which were stars, I started to think about how vast the universeis and all of the cliches there are that relate to the vastness of the it. I am rather positive that a great number of people spend countless hours pondering the universe. Whenever I attempt to do so, all I usually come up with was, who the hell cares and what difference does it all make anyway. When I was a child I remember it being difficult to comprehend the fact that the sky does not end. Today there are so many things we are faced with that seem endless and inescapable that the infinity of the sky does not cross my mind anymore.

The truth of the matter is that I don't really know a great deal about the universe. As far as the planets go, the sound of Uranus just makes me laugh out loud, Venus makes me think of the Bananarama song and whereas Pluto is a dog. What difference does it make to people on earth, armed with the knowledge of all the planets lining up? To me a more important and meaningful, but less likely event would be having an intelligent comment come out of the mouth of the politicians of the world!

I started to think that I am either really shallow or incredibly cynical. Should I not be a little more concerned with the state of the universe; to try contemplate things like how to defend my belief in evolution against the claim that it violates the second law of thermodynamics instead of self aggrandizement in the fact that I know all the words to all the songs on the Austin Powers soundtrack. As I sink into my own state of mental disarray I begin thinking that perhaps evolution could be disproved. After all, when a person gets sick, usually they continue on a path of increasing physical disintegration without some sort of outside intervention, medical or otherwise. Would this not be considered a state in increasing entropy? Could this be proof that the concept of evolution is a fallacy? Unless you consider that the human being is not the center of everything and disease itself is caused by a living entity whose progression, proliferation and adaptation to its host ensures its survival.

Similarly to the universe; the number of arguments for or against the idea of evolution probably approaches infinity and trying to sort it all out is nothing short of maddening. For me, perhaps it just a waste of time and a stream of consciousness worth escaping. I doubt I could ever be convinced to think differently from what I already believe anyway. What I do know is this: you don't have to know much at all about our world and the universe to recognize that it is, and always will be, constantly changing, evolving and our continued survival is facilitated and mitigated by our ability to adapt and conform to these changes. I also believe that anyone who refuses to accept change because of religion, bigotry, hatred or whatever else will find themselves nothing more than the dust under the feet of well-heeled progressives everywhere. That being said, I have to ask, is America really a place "where the President is never black, female or gay"?

New Look, Anyone?

For the most part I ignore the Spam folder in my gmail account but today I got a wild hair up my ass. ( Gee, now that is an expression I am now contemplating and realizing that it is a bit disturbing. I'm picturing rotund buttocks with mutant fur that grows steadily into the rectum, all in fast-forward video. It is not pretty. And neither is my Spam folder.


As you can see, quite a lot of people are encouraging me to update my penis.

First, let's talk about the random capitalization of letters. Why is Penis capitalized, but not Your? I mean, this is a perfectly good imperative independent clause. Implied subject, verb, noun, the whole bit. What kind of significance are they placing here? It's like saying "Clean your Room!" or "Change your Underwear!"

Secondly, how does one go about updating a body part? I mean, I love makeover shows, but the thought of giving a weiner a new set of earrings or a stylish new hair-do is just plain unheard of. Updating is what you do to your wardrobe or nail polish, it's not what you do to your ding-a-ling.

TGIF....

Thank God for Doo Wop !

Naked Interviewing Techniques and Tips

You have landed an interview, and you’ve decided to go naked.

Congratulations on your bravery!

Assuming, first of all, that this is not a naked job, i.e. a job that actually requires you to be naked, this refreshing approach can give you the edge over the competition. First, a few tips.

Tip #1: Wear shoes.

You must always wear shoes while in interview, particularly for a job interview, and most especially for a naked job interview. It tells people that you mean business. Of course, excellent shoes are better, because they tell the interviewer that you have invested in excellent footwear. Instead of clothes.

Tip #2: Hair up, ladies.

You don’t want to convey boudoir rather than boardroom, so an elegant French twist or other sort of updo is appropriate. Refrain from curling your hair attractively around your face like you’re going to the prom. That is just inappropriate for an interview.

Tip #3: If you’ve got glasses, wear ‘em.

If you wear contacts, ditch them. Stick with glasses. You want to portray a serious sort of look, even though you’re naked. It makes it easier if you’ve got something between you and your interviewer. In fact, if you don’t have glasses, borrow a pair. People always take other people more seriously if they’re wearing glasses.

And now, for some techniques.

Intimidation Technique

Already, your interviewer will be very, very intimidated by the fact that you’re naked. If you’re a girl and a girl is interviewing you, she will be jealous and vaguely admiring of your self-esteem and self-confidence. If you’re a boy and your interviewer is as well, he will admire your cajones. If you are being interviewed by a member of the opposite sex, the same applies. Either way, this will play up to your advantage, so long as you do not seem threatening. Ways to avoid being threatening: smile easily but not too much, do not under any circumstances touch your interviewer, and lean forward slightly when answering a question. Ironically, being relaxed is very intimidating. If you’re naked.

Winning Them Over Technique

If you’re a woman and your legs don’t distract your interviewer, your rack certainly will. If you’re a man, your dangling grapes will leave an impression, without a question. Making funny faces at your interviewer will bring his or her attention back to the matter at hand. And being silly, well, that’s always something you want in your office! Go for it! Naturally, you must choose appropriate moments.

Remember That This Is In No Way Sexual

Do not accept to go out to dinner, a movie, or the back room with your interviewer. You have to make the boundaries very, very clear. You don’t want to confuse the interviewer. Otherwise, you will probably be expected to do your job naked. And nobody wants to see that.

Be Prepared

Do not be surprised if your interviewer does not even get to see your naked self. Security may have already thrown you out before you can tell the secretary that you’re there. It’s best to announce your nakedness ahead of time to interested parties, so that you can actually make it to interview. If you make it sound like you might be kidding, or you might not, that’s really best. It plants the idea and the acceptance will filter in.

Of course, as with any interview, you must remember to research the company, position, and market. Being naked does not mean you have no manners, so remember to say please and thank you, and to hold the door.

Good luck, naked interviewee!*

______________________


*Disclaimer: Allow me to point out, if it is not inherently obvious, that the naked interview is not for the amateur. You cannot expect that you will be nakedly successful unless you have first mastered both basic interviewing and being naked. That said, only experts boasting more than 100 interviews, and 100 instances of staring at themselves naked in the mirror with appreciation, should even attempt these naked interviewing techniques and tips.**

** Also, even if used with great skill and finesse, these tips and techniques could nevertheless quickly get you arrested.

Things worth remembering

This is something I "borrowed" off G. ( thanks Dude )

Don't let someone sell you something you don't want.

Always be nice to the servers, bellhops, and cleaners.

If you can't trust your friend with your boyfriend, you can't trust your friend, and you can't trust your boyfriend. Don't waste your time with either one.

Never be afraid to experiment with glue, scissors, and glitter.

Always have a washcloth and paper towels handy when experimenting with glue, scissors and glitter.

Ignore the insult and just walk away. It's never worth the trouble.

It is possible for you to be wrong. Accept it, apologize, and move on.

Dancing is important.

Take the time to include those who love you and whom you love in your life. If they want more than you can give, don't worry about it too much, just give what you can.

Late is better than never. Just call. Things don't fix themselves alone.

A day off is worth more than the price of a day of work, when you need it badly. Don't be too worried about it.

If you hate your job, find something else, then quit. It is easier to find a job when you have a job, and less stressful too.

There are bullies in every chapter of life. Don't be one.

Tea is necessary.

When you don't know what to say, just smile. If it is a tougher situation, just hug.

Travel at every opportunity.

Your perspective changes each time you experience something new. So do it, rather than sitting there.

Learn to fight with reason, logic and flair. It is not necessary to be violent, mean, or cruel to make a point.

If you start out on the defensive, everything will sound like an attack.

Be generous.

When you love someone and realize it, just tell him or her.

Spend enough time alone to get to know yourself. You will be happier in a relationship when you know who you are, because you will know what you want.

Live alone long enough to appreciate what it means to live with someone.

When you fall in love, don't forget to make time for your friends. It is rude to call someone only when you have problems; that someone will feel used, and with good reason.

Always have a back-up plan, even if it seems paranoid. You'll feel better.

Be polite. People remember.

At least once in your life, do something completely out of character and completely irresponsible. Everyone needs something to regret.

Keep challenging yourself. If you let your life become routine, you will enjoy it less.

Don't be afraid to sing in the shower.

Stay classy.

At Least...

"... I'm the kind of girl who needs at least two inches."

"You know, that group of people we passed just now? They will take that completely out of context."

And so will the Internet, GT, so will the Internet.

The Next Time my iPod Battery Knocks Out, I'm Going to Fake Listen to Nothing!

I really like going to the gym early on Sunday mornings. It’s never crowded and it is a good start to the day. I mean, since I am awake before seven anyway, I might as well get the morning workout out of the way.

Right?

This morning, within minutes on the treadmill, my iPod died. I guess it must have been playing all night in my bag. I cursed to myself and wrapped the earphones up around the iPod.

Almost instantly, the guy next to me began chatting. “Do you know how hard it is to work out, knowing that there is a new Ice-Cream shop just down the road?

“I do.” I assured him.

“It’s so tempting to just get off this machine and go there instead.”

“I know.” I said. “Too bad for you they’re closed in the mornings.”

“Closed?” the man asked, in horror.

“It’s not even eight A.M.” I said.

“What kind of ice cream store is not open at this hour?” he asked.

“Um, all of them?”

TGIF

1. Put your iTunes/ music player on shuffle (I actually just used my Windows Media Player and clicked "shuffle")

2. For each question, press the "next" button to get your answer

3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT

4. Post all answers on your blog and send a shout out back to this blog!

Here we go!
*
IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY?

Dancing in the Moonlight (Toploader)
*
WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?

I Me You (Jim Noir)
*
WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?

Cupid (Jack Johnson)
*
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?

Cry to Me (Duffy)
*
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?

Promises (Cranberries)
*
WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?

Staple It Together (Jack Johnson)
*
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?

Me and Mr Jones (Amy Winehouse)
*
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?

Beautiful (Aimee Mann)
*
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?

La Tortura (Shakira)
*
WHAT IS 2+2?

Spinning (Janet Jackson)
*
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?

Can't Stand Losing You (The Police) LOL.
*
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

Faraway Voice (Katie Melua)
*
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?

War on Sound (Moonbabies)
*
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

Destination Moon (Deborah Cox)
*
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

Keep Breathing (Ingrid Michaelson)
*
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?

Running on Sunshine (Jesus Jackson)
*
WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?

Semalam (Sean Ghazi)
*
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?

La Bayamesa (Buena Vista Social Club)
*
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?

Teenager in Love (Red Hot Chili Peppers)
*
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?

You Could Be Happy (Snow Patrol) - that's no secret!
*
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?

Happy (Travis)
*
WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS?

Heartbeat (Buddy Holly)

O is for ....

... Other people exists too!


Studies show that even when they are not there, other people exist, with thoughts, feelings, and desires just like you

N is for ...

....... New Attitude


I've come to the realization that I need a new attitude on dating.

I'm no longer going to try and dazzle a guy into keeping me around. I'll still be my fabulous self (hah!) , but I've decided that it's now up to the guy to impress me into keeping him around.

Kind of like a dating interview, if you will. I think this will be a good plan and I'm thinking of setting up an obstacle course and writing up a few essay questions. (ell oh ell )

Is that too weird?

Lessons in Life...

Do not date boys named Keith. Always buy the shoes you wanted. Be the first person to say sorry. Righty tighty, lefty loosey. Frying an onion is the quickest way to make your kitchen smell like dinner. Bigger sunglasses are always better. Keith Richards will always be trouble. Moisturize. Count to ten before you say something you regret- and if you are still mad, count higher. Wear red. Give more than you want and you will get more than you need. When you are young and in a group of three girls, one girl will almost always feel left out- include everyone. You can always have more garlic. Hot curlers fix a bad hair day. No really, Keith will break your heart. It’s color- not dye. Be brave. Everybody has problems. Own something leopard print. Invest in a good can opener - and stocks. Find something to like in everybody. It’s hussy, not whore. You really do need to sort your laundry. You are too young to use the word “old”. Don’t say something about someone that you couldn’t say to their face. Fresh flowers are not an extravagance but a necessity. If you want something- ask for it. Adding vanilla pudding to chocolate chip cookie mix makes them taste so much better. Look people in the eye. KEITH IS TROUBLE. Take a photo of what you want your hair to look like when you get it cut. Learn the difference between “your” and “you’re”. Buy lemons. It’s not really giving if you expect something in return. Your shortest skirt should not be worn with your tallest shoes. And lastly, never say ” I told you so”- it’s annoying and can usually be said only when someone has made a poor choice and needs your support. Especially when the choice involves boys named Keith.

Random Quote of the Day

"Man is the symbol-using animal, inventor of the negative, separated from our natural condition by instruments of our own making, goaded by the spirit of hierarchy, and rotten with perfection."

- Kenneth Burke

Could I not be any less cruel?

Today I brought in two dozen donuts to work. That should make the nice people like me.

And make the mean people fat.

[insert maniacal laughter here.]

TGIF .. (Thank God, It's a Friend)

I met someone early this year. By chance. It turned out to be a good thing. A really good thing. This person is intelligent, funny, sensitive and he tunes into the same wavelength as I do. Although he does veer towards the heavy trashy music (that I would not listen to, whereas I'm listening to more pretentious sounding Brit bands) , I'm still glad that this friendship works.

Normally, I make acquaintances wherever I go but I don't make friends that easily. The reason being that I am anally particular about whom I share my life stories with. However, I must say that this new friendship turned out to be awesome. ( I feel like a giddy sophomore in high school whenever I say that word - awesome! ) .

So this week's video is dedicated to my new friend. You are a terrific person and don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise. You know who you are! Although I must say that it is beginning to creep me out whenever the same thoughts occur to us at the same time. *shivers*

Its all about the Connection...

Sometime in my early 30's, I realized that I didn't need a man to be happy.

Yeah, it took me awhile to come to that foregone conclusion but I eventually got there. When I realized that my fulfillment comes from having emotional connections, it was clear that such connections did not have to come exclusively from a romantic relationship. In fact, even when I was in an emotionally intimate romantic relationship, many of my emotional needs were still met by my friends.

The first decade of my life I struggled with developing meaningful friendships with girlfriends. The previous decade, I spent a lot of time correcting that. Now, I'm at another crossroads.

The older I get, the more I yearn for deep, real connections. And inadvertently it takes time to develop those. Quality and quantity. Now I'm seeing that even once you establish those deep connections, it takes time and patience to maintain that level of intimacy. And I struggle with finding the time, as well as finding others that have that time as well.

As a result, I have a pretty wide circle of "acquaintances"- people that I've bonded with and could potentially be very close to, if time warranted. The number of people that I have a long-term deep friendship with has narrowed to a very few. As a single person without family close by, this is an issue. It's an issue because in order to have my emotional needs met, I need a connection with someone who is available. And since we get busier as we get older, it stands to reason that one would need a larger number of close connections in order to ensure that someone is available when you need them.

OK, as I read over this post it sounds extremely self-centered and self-serving. But hey, this is a blog, so it should not be a surprise, yes? The reality of it all is that not only do I need intimate friendships in order to get my emotional needs met, but I need to feel like I am helping someone meet their needs as well. It all goes together.

And if on some random Sunday afternoon when I'm craving for a connection, and if I only have two close friends and they are both "booked", what's a girl to do?

I've actually given thought to ways where I can implement some kind of "structure" to my Connection Maintenance (lol) .

A spreadsheet?

A phone call schedule?

Personalized email blasts?

Do I need to schedule further out in advance in order to spend quality time with loved ones?

Crazy, I know.